Very Old, Very Healthy Diabetic

April Update

2010-04-22T12:35:00.000-07:00

I am job hunting. Slowly, surely.

I went to Seattle for a one day seminar with Jack Canfield (video with music begins automatically). I loved it. I loved the hotel room that I stayed in, and I loved Jack's speaking and his message. I would love to go to his August week-long training in Arizona. I'm just uncertain if that's the wisest way to spend my money this year.

I have an interview in Maryland that I am very excited about. I would love to have that job, and love to live in that part of the world again. Friends say, would you really move? And I say, YES!

Although moving is difficult, and I am not sure how much money this potential employer would offer for relocation. If they offer zero money for relocation, would I move then? I shall have to think about that.

I am still not yet divorced. My DH (remember, that's departing husband) still does not have all of his stuff out of my house.

My blood sugars seem to be stable, but higher than I'd like. I am still working to find a consistent yoga practice, and build a consistent walking practice.

My two foster dogs for Ratbone Rescues have been adopted out. So, it's me, and Snickers and Beanie. We're doing all right.

I am thinking about book writing, thinking about who I am, at my core.

Life is good.

PS. Cathy, at WebMD, I have no way to contact you. How can we talk further?

Yoga for Diabetes Type 2

2010-02-23T02:55:00.000-08:00

I have now survived a yoga class. I was sweaty and sore, and looked terrible in my headwrap, but I did it. I exercised, and I am going back.

I can see how yoga would produce strength and flexibility. Has anybody studied yoga, and similar exercise regimens for Type 2 diabetes? I don't know. I do think this is an exercise that one could do for the rest of one's life. Being able to continue to do the exercise forever is, imho, an important consideration for choosing an exercise for a person with diabetes.

I am not currently employed. I am bursting with ideas, and am taking action on several. I must plant and nurture some seeds and see what grows.

The unemployment situation is wreaking havoc with my meds. Really. COBRA is great, but I have no idea what the pharmacy will find when I go to renew my 'scripts next week. My usual co-pay, at this time of year, is $200 for a monthly supply. I fear it may be far, far greater, if the COBRA doesn't show up when they run the insurance.

Resilient

2010-02-03T15:31:00.000-08:00

And now, no job.

My employment ended mid-January.

My boss is very happy. And I am too, actually. I enjoy having more time to do the things that I want to do, and spend time in my own home, with my dogs.

I am going to miss the paycheck.

I am starting the job search. Regroup. My mother called me RESILIENT. I think this is my current life motto. Resilient.

I am having to choose carefully who I spend my time with. It is no picnic to hear people say discouraging things about the job market. I don't need lots of jobs. I need one job. And one job is easy to find. I can always find employment; it just may not be at the career level that I was hoping to be at.

So please send encouraging comments only.

I have finished a scarf for my sister in law, and am planning on designing a few hat patterns for a local knit shop. Me. Designing. OMG, as they say.

And perhaps I can pick up some writing jobs. Freelance? I don't know.

It feels like a beginning, not an end. I miss my coworkers. I miss them a lot. They are a group of highly talented women, with joy and creativity. It was a privilege to work with them for the time I did.

So, at the very least, there should be more blog posting.

How does this affect my diabetes? I don't know. I haven't been testing. It's tough for me to create structure for my life without the job. I'm getting back on track, though.

I am resilient.

Dear Bob, and the rest of the world,

2009-12-30T18:50:00.000-08:00

Thanks for your recent comment. It has spurred me a little. See?

You're right. Over a year without blogging is far too long.

And what a year it's been.

My husband has walked out on me. So, Dr. Parts is no more. His stuff is still here. He left in September, but his stuff is still here. I'm really not entirely sure why he left, due to his less-than-articulate explanation. It may have to due with too much clutter in the house, foster dogs who are not fully housetrained, my inability/unwillingness to rescue him financially any longer, or his allergies being triggered by something in the house. Those are my top guesses.

We are separated, but not legally separated, not legally divorced. Wait and see, wait and see.

Work is changing drastically in the next month to three months. I'm excited, but nervous. I'm excited about the new offices. I'm eager for more face-to-face contact with our customers.

I haven't been testing my blood sugar. I've been spotty on taking my meds. They drew blood for an HbA1c test on Monday. We'll see what it reveals early next week.

I really miss my husband's paycheck the most. I'm not sure if I'll need to declare bankruptcy. I'm not sure if I will lose my house. I may need to get a roommate, which would be fine, if I can get DH's (which, in this context means "departing husband") cra-I mean stuff out of my home.

I have two fosterdogs for Ratbone Rescues. One has an approved adoptive home. The second guy, Jorge does not. He is very sweet, and I would like to keep him forever, but really. Three dogs are too many for one person, working full time.

Good things this year? Sock Summit. Thank you Blue Moon Fiber Arts aka Tina Newton and Stephanie Pearl-McPhee. Sock Summit was so damn good. I took a vacation week to go. It was in my home town. I was there every day. It was the best vacation ever. EVER.

My grandfather is still alive. My mother is still alive. I am not on insulin. My father is still alive. My brother and his wife are still alive. Their pseudo-children (long story) are adorable and bring much joy into their and my lives. (That last sentence was strange, but true, and, I think, grammatically correct.) I have not killed any of my coworkers. I have not killed any of my foster dogs. My foster dogs have not killed any of my cats, despite diligent efforts.

Life is still good, even when bad things happen. Even when people who promised things to you are unable to keep their promises. Even when it's hard to predict the future.

I promise to not go an entire year again without blogging. Thanks for the reminder, Bob.

Love,

Lori

Snow Day

2008-12-21T21:06:00.000-08:00

This is actually snow day #7, which, IMHO, is seven days too many. And they're predicting four to six more. Yuck.

We're doing OK, enough food & water and plenty of heat. We haven't lost power. Haven't had to go out for medications or medical treatment.

And this is the correct position for snow days in our household.

Two dogs, comfy couch, and the fuzzy blue blanket from upstairs.

Dear Santa,

2008-12-07T14:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

I'd really like to have a pool or spa this Christmas. I'd like this one. Or maybe this one.

I think the possibility of exercising in water are very exciting and would really help me with my diabetes control. There are a couple of problems however.

1. I think you'd also have to include a home or piece of property to fit either one. I just don't think how we could fit such an item in our current 25' x 50' sloping lot.

2. I don't really remember ever having believed in Santa. My mom and my dad gave me presents.

So, this is it. My first letter to Santa. Merry Christmas, big guy. Thanks for cheering people up. They need lots of love and cheering, and some folks only get it from you.

Love,

Lori Rode

Tenth Anniversary

2008-07-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

I was diagnosed with diabetes ten years ago this month.

I had given blood at the local Red Cross, and got a letter from them saying that my blood was rejected, due to high liver enzymes.

I went to my physician, saying "What's wrong with my liver?"

Ultimately, his answer was, "Nothing's wrong with your liver, but you have diabetes."

And thus, my diabetes life was launched.

I had to remind my current physician that I am now 10 years post-diagnosis, as there is often a change in this disease that seems to happen 8-12 years after diagnosis. Previous control methods may stop working, and new meds or new eating or exercise plans may need to take place.

I've had to step up my medications. I'm now on Januvia. Hooooray!

It controls my numbers very nicely. I'm still on the other meds, metformin, glipizide, etc.

I remain discouraged about my diabetes, and about my ability to reach my goal of being a very old, very healthy [person with diabetes]. My feet still hurt, but I'm able to function. I'm scared to walk my dogs, though, or do other standing exercise for fear of debilitating pain.

My weight is about 200 lbs. I am discouraged about my ability to get it back down to about 150-160, which would be very healthy for me.

But, life is good.

I'm hoping to become more active in my blog. I know, I know. I took a year off. So sue me.

We'll see how it goes. With this disease, with me, with my life, I've got to focus on the positive. I've got to focus on the next step in front of me, not the 999 miles beyond that. One step at a time, and, in a flash, ten years have gone by.

PS. I owe Bernard $100. I have not forgotten. He is a saint. I'm writing the check today.

I've missed you!

2008-02-28T00:30:00.000-08:00

I have missed blogging. It's true. Even though I have not blogged, I have not forgotten about blogging.

I may need to take the blog in a different direction. I'm now informed that the use of 'diabetic' as a noun to describe a person with diabetes is inappropriate. Bleah. I've been so discouraged by my foot pain, and discouraged about the path of my diabetes. I've been thinking that I will not reach my goal of being very old and very healthy, with diabetes.

Work's been crazy. My numbers have been up, but my physician seems, to me, to be slow to act. She wants to test and wait, test and wait. I'm ready for Lantus or Byetta, but she's reluctant. I believe she knows that the insurance company won't pay for Byetta until we go through all the other (cheaper) options.

Dr Parts & I went on vacation. We went to Florida and spent a week in the Orlando area. We spend lots of time in DisneyWorld and also visited the Kennedy Space Center. Lots of fun.

About 1 week before the vacation, I had a classic diabetes experience. I discovered a foot injury VISUALLY. In other words, I injured myself, but did not realize it until I was pulling off my socks later in the evening. I must have stubbed my toe, and split the nail, at about a 45 degree angle, to about halfway down the nail bed. Yup, it was bloody and everything. It was my right big toe. That's where the numbness is starting.

Damn. Time to get slippers or something to wear around the house. I ordered some Keen sandals. I like their toe protection, and it's still close to barefoot. They still haven't arrived.

After I got back from vacation, I went and got a pedicure, and the gal helped work on that right toenail, to make sure it does not become ingrown, after such a deep injury. However, she also worked on the left large toe toenail. And whatever she did, IT has become infected and slightly ingrown. Curses! How does this happen?

I took my new little portable scooter on vacation. My feet felt surprisingly good throughout the vacation. The photo at the top is me, having volunteered, at the Disney Hollywood Studios park. Note the water gear. Do you think that Lori will get wet in the next few moments? Why, yes! Yes, she will!

I'll post more photos, perhaps tomorrow.

Gratuitous Cuteness

2007-12-19T19:37:00.000-08:00

It's Chico, the cute dog.

I got my last 2007 Blue Moon Rockin' Sock Club offering today. I LOVE IT!

Beautiful blue-green colorway. It's what my stash would be full of, if I did not show restraint.

And my house would be full of little doggies like the above cuteness if I did not show restraint.

Curses.

Misplaced Meter

2007-12-19T19:12:00.000-08:00

I've misplaced my meter, the one I use to get my morning readings.

Which means, I haven't tested my fasting blood sugar in roughly four weeks.

Not great.

I saw this story on ABC today. I thought it summed up the thought nicely.

Now for a different topic: I have a secret quest.

I've been on this quest for some time now. I am in search of the perfect french dip sandwich. I love them!!

The beef should be good quality, but not too thickly sliced. One should be able to separate the beef into bites without sharpening one's teeth. The beef should not be too fatty.

The broth should not be excessively salty. This is hard to tell, as it should be salted, but not excessively salty. There should be plenty of au jus. One should not run out of au jus mid-sandwich.

The bread is key. The bread should not have been microwaved. Do not microwave the bread as it will, in that case, be pre-sogged. The bread should be a french or italian style, which means that it has a nice crust on it, with a good loft, and nice airy cells with which to absorb the jus. It should be significantly different from any standard fast-food hamburger bun. Soft white bread is not worthy of the french dip sandwich.

Cheese is unnecessary. Mayonnaise is unnecessary.

It's always a risk for me to order a French Dip at a restaurant, because I have such high standards. I hate it when I find out that they've used a hamburger-style bun and microwaved it. Yuck.

I will have for you a few examples of both the good and the bad french dip in the next few weeks or months.

Happy Diabetes Day!

2007-11-13T23:09:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty angry about diabetes right now.

This disease is awful. It is persistent, ever-present. I feel like it is consuming me, bite by bite.

I'm tired of dealing with it. I'm tired of having a chronic disease.

And I'm tired of the social and political leaders in North America not taking obesity and diabetes seriously. Come on!

Why will they (the infamous they) not pay for weight-loss programs? Why will they not pay for gym memberships and exercise classes? Why are they willing to pay for metformin, but not for New Balance shoes? Why do they quibble over which meter I use, only paying 50% of the test strip cost on this one, but 80 % of the test strips on that one?

Wouldn't an aggressive treatment early on in the disease help make sure that they don't have to pay for kidney dialysis? Would they prefer to pay for orientation and mobility training after another person with diabetes loses his sight to retinopathy? Why withhold mental health treatment for a person dealing with this day in and day out disease?

I feel like I need a coach, a friend, a Jiminy Cricket, to chat with me and encourage me through my day. I don't want to talk to another person about what she has lost to diabetes. I don't want to add to my own list.

Those of us with our diagnoses of diabetes must lead the way. We must be involved and committed to ensuring the health of those who receive their diagnoses five years later, ten and twenty years later, and yes, even one hundred years later.

Your first responsibility is to your own health. But you do have a responsibility to the rest of those around you who also have diabetes. We're counting on you.

And I'll do my part too.

Discouraged

2007-10-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

I have not died. I have not fallen off the planet. I am discouraged.

I'm discouraged about my diabetes. My numbers are up. I imagine my HbA1c is going to be around 8.5-9.0. It needs to be below 6.5, 6.0 for best control. And control is important to me, because good control means the best chances for my neuropathy to NOT advance or to advance only minimally.

I've signed up to participate in a study up at OHSU. This study is with Dr. Lou, a neurologist. The study coordinator is Grace. They're studying a known herb to see if it will keep my nerves healthy or permit them to heal. I go in on Wednesday to get my capsules. I hope it's not placebo. The study will last about a year.

I have to check with Dr. Lou and see what we can add to my diabetes regimin that will not impact his study. I'm thinking insulin or Byetta.

I weigh about 195 lbs, which is, I think, my lifetime heaviest. I feel quite desperate about my weight. I'm not fat enough for bypass surgery, but I haven't been successful at losing the weight myself. My foot problems seem to limit thepossibilities of exercise. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Diabetes is a tough disease. (I know this.) It's a day in and day out challenge. (I know this.) And one has to just tough it out, do the daily choices to maintain good health. (I know this.)

And I know that depression goes along with it, and that I'm doing all the right things, as much as I can, to cope and continue on.

I wish it got easier.

I feel guilty about posting such a negative post, because I want to be encouraging to others with diabetes. But I'm struggling. I'm discouraged.

But I'm still in here. And the good days will return.

Play Therapy

2007-08-23T23:51:00.001-07:00

I wrote several emails today and got strange questions from my co-workers about them, so I think my brain is 'off' somehow. Here's hoping this entry will make more sense.

Two delightful social workers, S & E, spent their weekends entertaining Dr Parts & me and a roomful of other prospective adoptive parents. [Jargon alert: PAP=Prospective Adoptive Parents, or Potential Adoptive Parents. Lots of new alphabet soup to me.] This was the Special Needs Adoption Coalition training provided for folks who are considering adopting kids who are in the custody of the State of Oregon.

S was especially good. I mean fabulously good. I mean'take me hope adopt me now please please please' good. Entertaining and informative. Realistic. Acknowledging how hard it really is. And it is hard.

So, if I can't adopt George and his brood, I'm happy to say that Dr Parts & I are happy to be considering adopting a boy or two through the State of Oregon.

Right now, I want these three cutie pies. They were listed in the Oregonian today, so I'm OK with linking up to them. Thankfull, Dr Parts will remind me of our practical limitations. In other words, it may be unreasonable to expect a 9th grader, an 8th grader and a kindergardener to share a single bedroom.

Sigh.

We have to collect lots of paperwork and we're probably 6 months out from being ready to present ourselves to the decision-makers as a home-study ready family. That and a lot of cleaning & sorting to do at home. Hopefully these three kids will already be with their growing-up family by that time.

But, we felt committed and ready enough to commit retail.

Thus, the photo. Lego Therapy. The kids may never get this stuff away from Dr. Parts.

Isn't there a LegoLand in San Diego? Or should we go right to Denmark?

I am still frightened that my health and/or my diabetes may prevent me from becoming a parent, even with the adoption route. My foot pain has to be under enough control to give me the emotional reserves to be able to deal with supporting growing boys.

Since seeing the fasting BG reading of 165 yesterday, I didn't test this morning. Not the most health-supporting move.

Tomorrow is another day. Another day to live healthy and make good choices. Another day closer to being a mom.

Textbook of Pain

2007-08-22T22:34:00.000-07:00

They put me in the wrong room for my latest appointment with the nurse practitioner at the pain center. I couldn't resist this photo. Do you see that book? Did youknow there was a Textbook of Pain?

Hopefully, all the medical team there have studied these books well and are applying them to me.

I do feel much better. My pain is at a manageable level.

My weight is up. 192 as of this morning.

My numbers are up. 165 fasting reading this morning. I see my Internal Medicine doctor on Friday. Will she suggest Lantus? Should I?

Grand Detour

2007-08-15T21:03:00.000-07:00

Just south of where we live, in Brooks, Oregon, is Antique Powerland. It is indeed a great place, with all sorts of farm equipment, motors, trucks, and railway stuff-I'm sure there is a much more respectful term, but it escapes me at the moment. Two weekends a year-the last weekend in July and the first weekend in August-they have the annual Great Oregon Steam Up.

With apologies to farm equipment, motor, tractor, railroad, and all the other fill-in-the-blank enthusiasts, let me state, that if one is not farm equipment, motor, tractor, railroad, and all the other fill-in-the-blank enthusiast, this event could be pretty boring. Oh, logging equipment. I forgot logging equipment enthusiast. It is impressive. There are many beautiful examples of this 19th & 20th century technology. The shopping opportunities were ... limited, but pleasant.

There are not enough benches. There is lots of walking.

In my family, I am surrounded by folks who really do appreciate a fine machine and the wonders of mechanical thinking. So I go to these things. We walked. I sat when I could. My feet hurt. We did not overspend. It was hot. We did not overeat. Dr. Parts took lots (and lots) of photos & videos. We only got a little sunburned. The little dog did not bite anyone. She only had one illicit food opportunity.

How does this relate to diabetes? Does it relate to diabetes?

These machines, as I walk among them, show the loss of physical exercise that has contributed to the current epidemic of obesity among north americans. They show the development of technology that is part of the ancestry of the technology that we use in day to day modern life. The improvements that make the tractors safer, now make my car safer. The food on my table is plentiful, due to the efficiency of food production, harvesting, refrigeration and transportation.
And my magical little meter, that give me my numbers. How could I live without that?

My photo is of one example a display of painted tractor seats. (can't get photo to load-curses) They were ornate and beautiful. Similar purpose: to hold up the farmer, hopefully with a minimum amount of discomfort, as he worked. Variations in shape and size, in placement of logos, etc. All the same, all different.

That reminds me of the people I know with diabetes. In my office alone, today, I interacted with two people who have the diagnosis of diabetes. One guy, he's lost twenty pounds, and he's off all diabetes meds. He's working on getting off the blood pressure meds next. (I just wish I hadn't found his lost twenty pounds. Still, he solved a major crisis for us today. ) Caution bells go off in my head for him, though. His future is not that much different than mine. His sugar process is not normal. If he gains weight, he will regain his diabetes.

We are everywhere. I wish we weren't. I wish there were more and more former people with diabetes, "cured" diabetics, if you will.

Hiding Out

2007-08-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead. I'm not injured. I guess I'm just hiding out.

Since Nana's death, and her funeral, I've been very busy. We refinanced the house. My job responsibilities have changed, and they do not play to my strengths. I'm supposed to be part of the new dLife Blogabetes project, but I haven't written any entries for them. I feel very unsuccessful. I like the idea of taking part in the Blogabetes project, but they want they nice short focused entries. Blog Haiku, almost.

My blogging is usually too long, and all over the map.

Today's photos are of my grandfather's 90th birthday party "cake". We had this party last weekend. This is a carved watermelon, in place of a cake. Very nice. Mom remembers always having a watermelon on her dad's birthday, July 19, which might be the first watermelon the family would have had that summer.

The photo below is of my grandfather, Orville, with his grandson, my first cousin, Kyle. Now, Kyle greatly resembles Orville and his body movements are almost exactly the same. Which means that Kyle, if Kyle gets to be 90 years old, may greatly resemble Orville. Poor kid.

Also notable in this photo, in the back, dressed in black, is Naomi, Kyle's older sister. Let's hope if she gets to 90, she will not resemble Orville as much as does her brother.

And, speaking of brothers, my brother is in this photo, cleverly disguised as that blur next to Naomi.

My number have been up slightly. My weight remains stable, too high. I am frustrated at my ability or inability to control my eating and increase my exercise. My July 2007 HbA1c reading was 6.8, when it's normally under 6.0. Curses.

So, too much work, too much stress, not enough time. Same old, same old, in other words. Life is good. It's good to have a birthday. It's good to have a birthday party.

And it's good to have good family times.

We must keep on trying, every day, every meal, every bite.

More Doctor Appointments

2007-07-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

100% of the neurologists who I have met at OHSU are great people!

Okay, I've met two. Dr. Cupler & Dr. Lou. Good guys. I like 'em.

I met with Dr. Lou today. He believes that it is likely that I have small-fiber neuropathy, which may or may not be caused by my diabetes. He adjusted my neurontin dosage, which may give me more pain relief during the day. He ordered blood tests, to rule out some other possible causes. He says, "I want to see you for a follow-up appointment in about three months." His staff says, "His first available appointment is in January."

Yes, that's right, January 2008. He may want to see me in three months, but his schedule does not allow that.

My other instructions: keep good blood glucose control and limit alcohol intake.

It's been a tough month, with running up to care for Betty and Orville. Betty's memorial service was great, very moving, and many relatives in attendance. I got up to speak and made it through my piece, which I had on paper.

Orville's doing well. He's testing and recording his numbers, but no insulin. Less math means that it's less likely that he will injure himself by miscalculating his dose.

I should explain....Orville got his diagnosis of diabetes following steroids to treat polymyalgia rheumatica. Since he was over 80, and since Nana was already using insulin, Orville never took oral meds; he went straight to insulin, managed by his wife.

When she died, he was on 5 (units) of Lantus per day, plus regular insulin following his meals. It was tough for him to calculate how much carbs he ate, and then how much insulin he was supposed to take. To top that off, they had recently changed his calulation, from one unit insulin for every 10 gms of carb, to one unit of insulin for every 15 gms of carbs. He found this change very tough.

He's off steroids, and his blood sugar numbers have been reasonable. He just doesn't have to aim for Betty's 'perfect' control-she wanted her average number to be 114 or lower-at his age and with his other health challenges. He turned 90 just yesterday.

I hope to have him for some additional time, but I don't know if that will be two months or two years. As Dr. Lou reminded me today, family is precious and is to be treasured.

The family history chart was interesting, listing out mother, father, maternal grandmother, mother's brothers and mother's sisters, etc, etc. The chart was just full of 'DM' for diabetes mellitus. Full.

Family is good. Especially when they share your challenges.

Death of a Beloved Betty

2007-07-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

On July 1, my grandmother, pictured in an earlier post, fell and broke her hip. They performed surgery on her hip. Sometime after surgery, she experienced a heart attack. The damage was too great, and on July 3, she died.

I was privileged enough to be there. I loved her so much, and will continue to follow her example for all of my life, I think.

The story gets kinda odd from there, and I may not tell it all in today's post.

Orville, my grandfather, was married to Betty for just short of 68 years. My home is about 125 miles from theirs, and mine was the only number they could find to give to the hospital. They called me Tuesday morning, and I arrived at the hospital on Tuesday evening. The day after her death, Orville was experiencing shortness of breath, and we ended up in the emergency room. They told him he was experiencing "a little heart failure" and admitted him. He was in the hospital, the same hospital where Betty died, for two days. (I made great headway on some of my knitting projects.)

My mother, who had been in Mexico on vacation, was informed by my brave brother, who does not do well with death. She arrived on Thursday afternoon.

I am tired and a little flip and giddy. My hair is so greasy, I would almost say that I look like Professor Snape.

The good news is, that when Orville was in the hospital, they monitored his blood sugar, but did not administer any insulin. The highest reading they got was 154. They've instructed him NOT to take any insulin until he talks again with his doctors (that will be Tuesday), and told him not to worry about any reading up as high as 300 or higher. They said lows were much, much for dangerous for a person his age, and with his other conditions.

This morning, his reading was 94. That's right. No insulin, no oral meds for insulin, and my almost-90-year-old grandfather is testing in the normal glucose range.

I'll post more later, after I drive home. And after I shower.

Bon Voyage, Allison

2007-06-14T18:53:00.000-07:00

Allison, of Lemon Lemonade, is heading off for New Jersey, new job, new life.

I'll miss having her so local and available.. I'll be rooting for her success.

You GO girl!!

Thinking about that part of the world makes me miss some of the food from my college days in Baltimore. The pizza bagels that got us through evening study sessions. The italian cold cut subs from the deli down the street. Drinking real (sugared) Pepsi from morning to midnight.

There is something exciting about going all the way across the country to start college, or to start a job following college. She will have such fun.

I'm a teensy weensy bit envious about the adventure of it all. But not about the packing.

Another Good Book: AfterShock

2007-06-11T21:24:00.000-07:00

I was going to link to the article in my local paper, the Oregonian, about this cool book, but here we are on June 11, and the article on June 5 is nowhere to be found on their website. Transitory news. (As one used to see on bumperstickers mocking the paper's then advertising slogan, following the breaking of a scandal about Oregon's senator in an East Coast paper, "If it matters to Oregonians, it's in the Washington Post.")

The book is AfterShock: What to Do When the Doctor Gives You - Or Someone You Love - A Devastating Diagnosis by Jessie Gruman, Ph.D. Here's the website.

Since it is an almost universal human experience in the modern, western world, that we will someday stroll into a doctor's office and stumble out into a changed world, changed only by the words spoken aloud by the doctor or other health professional, this book is for everyone I know. Almost everyone of us will get such a diagnosis in our lifetime. Or someone we love will.

This looks like my kind of book. It looks like real, practical advice, both about what to do to respond to the medical crisis, but how to handle the emotional aftermath.

The article in my local paper said, if you don't need this book now, don't read it now. Buy it, and keep it on the shelf, or lend it to someone who does need it now.

I'm not sure how to handle that advice. I have diabetes, type 2. Does that qualify as a devastating diagnosis? Type 1, yes, devastating, absolutely. But Type 2?? My diagnosis was years ago, although the more current issues of chronic foot pain have been pretty devastating. And, with diabetes, there's often a devastating diagnosis or complication in the future, hopefully the far future.

I think I'll buy it.

Socks: Diabetes and Knitting Combined

2007-06-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

My two favorite things combined....in this article from Knitty. It's fabulous!

I found the article to be fairly well written, but I have two major quibbles. One: The writer did not go over the difference between Type 1 and Type 2. This seems to me a very important difference that needs to be gone over (and over) every time we have the chance. Because both diseases are called 'diabetes' and share significant symptoms, the confusion does neither group any good. Two: I hated the sentence saying that "diabetes can be a slow-death sentence." Aside from the punctuation (I think that hyphen has to go), I dislike its emphasis upon the negative. So, Diagnosis X can be a slow death sentence, so what? Many people with Diagnosis X live happy, significant lives for many years. Many people with Diagnosis X are beloved by their family, who enjoy every moment they can spend with them. Many people with Diagnosis X do not experience the troublesome side effects.

BTW, if you want LoriRode hand-knitted socks, they start at $300.00 per pair. If finer gauge, the price goes up. Hey, when the wool costs $30-50 dollars, just think what my time is worth.

Not to mention that you get my love in every stitch.

Really, though, hand-knitted wool socks-when the wool is good wool and the socks fit well-are an absolute joy.

Why not test?

2007-06-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

I am a person with diabetes. I am learning to use this new PC language. I find it unnecessary and awkward. But hey, what's a person with diabetes to do? I am also a person with diabetes who owns a computer with problems and a modem without connection. Thus, the blog that is post-challenged. I must go down to the store and present myself as a person with service plan to the employees with geekness.

I've been thinking about testing.

As you know, it is wise for people with diabetes (type 2) to test regularly. Those of us with diabetes - type 2 - often do not, much to the chagrin of our people-with-diabetes-type-1 friends, who MUST test every few hours to keep themselves and their insulin dosages on track.

Why, my friends with diabetes (type 1) ask, don't people with diabetes type 2 test themselves regularly? Why do they stop testing?

Well, I reply, I think it's because we can. We can stop testing without risking death in the next few hours or days. I think that's the main reason. But I've got a second and third possibility, too.

The second reason, in my opinion, is because the testing doesn't always give us meaningful data.

In other words, If I'm testing daily, and I'm a person with diabetes and my diabetes is under good control, I can test regularly for weeks, months or years at a time and get nice polite readings for my morning fasting number that range between 80 and 120. This number requires no change of behavior on my part. I don't even have to respond to it. So why waste my $1 test strips and test daily? Couldn't I just test once a week and, if I get a nice polite number, test again a week later?

It's like a job performance review that reads "meets requirements" all the way across. No new info. Nothing to work on.

The third reason, in my opinion, is because the testing give us meaningful data that we don't want to know. The numbers are high, but the person with diabetes is unwilling to make any changes that could alter the numbers.

This is a common phenomenon among people with diabetes, especially type 2, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Imagine the frustration of a physician, trying to assist his patient with diabetes, when the patient brings no data. How can such a person think it's OK to enjoy a sugary slurpee on these hot summer days, without testing to see what such a treat does to the BG numbers?

It's just a number. And you DON'T have to respond to it. It's just one piece of data. You could respond to it. But you don't have to.

You can look at the reading and say, hmm, 284, how about that, and still eat the chocolate cake for breakfast. Who's going to stop you?

But it's kind of like driving your car around without looking at the dashboard gauges. Or the traffic signals. Or the street signs.

These marvelous meters are such a great tool. My grandparents didn't have them for most of their years with diabetes. Let's use them. Let's test.

Memorial Day

2007-05-27T22:09:00.000-07:00

Another Memorial Day. . .

This Memorial Day, I remember in particular David Weisenburg. He was a son of our church family. You can see his photo here, and read the many things people have said to him and to his family and about him here.

My heart longs for peace, for no new wars, for no new widows, no new orphans, no mothers left to grieve over their children killed in conflict. No new despots.No new diagnoses of diabetes. That would be good war to end.Yet I must honor those who have died in service to their country, our country. Their sacrifice has been great. It is deserving of respect. I give it, with humility and gratitude.

It's been interesting to think about this Memorial Day in terms of becoming a mom. Many of these kids in the foster care system have the goal of serving in the military, something that I would not guide a child of mine towards. If my child chooses to serve, will I be able to respect that choice? I must, I think.

This next is probably more appropriate for veteran's day, but we just saw this fabulous movie about Desmond Doss, a WWII conscientious objector who was awarded the Medal of Honor. I was impressed with his principles, his faith, his bravery, his honor, and with the protection of God that seemed to be upon his service.

We'll be spending Memorial Day with my favorite veteran, Dr. Parts, Daughter A & her boyfriend, travelling to spend some time with Dr. Parts' brother, wife, and the World's cutest nieces. I'll try to refrain from taking pictures this time. Too much cuteness could ruin a blog, you know. I'll also try to make sure that we take enough diet pop for the day.

Drawerful of pills

2007-05-20T20:10:00.001-07:00

Here is my left-hand bathroom drawer. It holds my medications & supplements. I fill up the two seven-day pill planners every week. The white one is for morning pills and the purple one is for evening pills. Each of those little compartments, white and purple, is full of pills.

(Carpenters and architects, note the poor planning. The drawer is stopped from pulling out its full length by the toilet tank. You can see this on the left of the photo. It is a consistent annoyance in my life. And yes, that is my roll of toilet paper at the top of the photo. Thanks for noticing.)

Most of my medications I get on a 90-day supply, through the mail from a Kroger-based pharmacy. Supplements I get on an as needed basis, either through my local drugstore (probably lower quality) or through the upscale almost-all-natural grocery store (probably higher quality). Some meds, as needed prescriptions, we get at the big-chain pharmacy around the corner from us.

And I have pretty-darned-good medical insurance, which covers a great deal of our medications. I haven't even gotten a prescription for Lyrica, just using samples, so I've no idea how much it costs. Even before I count in that cost, my current meds are costing us roughly $100 per month. I haven't figured out the cost of the supplements, because I tend to buy 60-90 day supplies, and they are staggered throughout the year.

What supplements do I take right now?
I take: Calcium Magnesium Zinc - it keeps my doc from flipping out about the fact that I consume very little dairy.

A high-end multi-vitamin - because I love the fluorescent colored urine that it makes.

Alpha-Lipoic Acid - may help with nerve pain

Garlic - may help with cholesterol and circulatory issues, and we know that diabetes makes that more of a problem.

Co-Enzyme Q-10 - suggested by the sweet neurologist who did my EMG tests this week.

Are these the right supplements for you? I don't know. You should talk to your own health professionals. Decide for yourself what is right for you.

I should probably be taking a cinnamon or other diabetes-targeted supplement (meaning targeted for type 2).

But all my little pill compartments are full. I can't possibly take any more meds. Well, if I do get new meds, they should be tiny little ones.

Let's see if the doctor goes for that one.

I get frustrated by spending all this money on my diabetes care. What could I do for myself if I had an extra $100 per month? What vacations might I have taken? Could I have donated that money to a ministry or charitable program and helped people here in my hometown? Might I have donated for research on diabetes, or on ALS, or lung cancer? Or to a scholarship fund for students wishing to become endocrinologists? They are unanswerable questions.

This week I get my first ever crown. Dr. Parts tried to de-fang me by freezing the chocolate. The tooth broke but did not need a root canal. Dr. Parts won't believe me that chocolate, most chocolate, is best enjoyed at room temperature, so it can melt into the mouth. Oh well. He makes excellent seviche, so who am I to argue.

Parenting

2007-05-17T09:12:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to wait until we could notify all of our closest family members, but let's make it official: Dr. Parts and I are pursuing adoption. (And that does not mean George, although I would adopt George and his scrumptious family in a minute.)

I promise: I will not make this an adoption blog. I find most adoption blogs a little self serving and dull(except for Starfish's and she's a knitter and an interesting person and she has an adorable little Seamonkey who was born in South America). It is each person's discovery of the wondrous emotions of what is a fairly predictable process overall. When I find adoption bloggers and adoption group members using the term 'siked' after some particularly good news, it makes me want to quit blogging for good and abandon adoption if this is the state of education in this country.

I have started a secret adoption blog for my own ranting about the topic. If you find that blog and leave a message, there or here, matching the two up, I will send you a prize. Yes, that's a challenge. I dare you to find it. What's the prize? Maybe Dr. Parts' Ceviche Recipe. I think I can sneak it out of the house. Maybe some LoriRode hand-knitted socks, if you can wait that long. And if you win the prize (one prize only will be awarded), you are truly a person who has a problem with obession and excessive down time.

Why adopt rather than try to conceive? 1) because I don't want you people to know that much about my private life. I blog, but I do not tell all. 2) because I am almost 42 and he is almost 45 and I am on many meds. 3) because he is greatly fearful of the increased risks to any child we would conceive. 4) because we're not sure we want to start at the beginning. (Come on, if you could skip sleep deprivation and diapers, wouldn't you?) 5) because I, having a delightful brother who was adopted, am aware that adoption does indeed form REAL families. 6) because the infertility/fertility path sounds like a big wobbly ferris wheel and I don't like ferris wheels. 7) because we are older, confident parents, who are willing to access any resources necessary (counseling, special ed, medical treatments) for a child we adopt. Dave is experienced, although he didn't always get to parent Daughter A, and I practically grew up at Camp and as a daycare assistant and with younger foster siblings etc. My parents were good parents, who consciously practiced good parenting techniques, and adapted as necessary. I learned to be a good person from them. I think they also taught me how to be a good parent.

What path have we chosen? Well, we haven't exactly chosen, yet. We are thinking one child or two siblings who should be the same gender. (We think we only have one bedroom available for child/ren right now.)

That being said, if I had my druthers, I'd adopt about a dozen children, any gender, many different types of 'special needs', from teenagers on down! I'd be chauffering and recitalling and parent/teacher conferencing every day of the week. Lori's Three Ring Life! Woohoo!

Ahem. Dr. Parts does his best to keep me sane.

There are many (thousands) available USA children who have been through the state system. Our state has great support for these kids and for their adoptability. If you're an Oregonian or up to considering adopting an Oregon Kid, here's a link and here's another one. (In Lori's 3-Ring Fantasy life, I'd head on down to Louisiana and get these guys, and, of course, Amy.)

There are also many (thousands) of children in orphanages and institutes in non-USA countries who need families. I'm thinking about Haiti, and Liberia, and China, and Kazakhstan, and the Ukraine, and Nepal, and Sierra Leone and many other places. But some of these countries will not permit us to adopt their children, some because of too many divorces in our past, some because of the diagnosis of depression and recent/continued use of antidepressant drugs. It is my great fear that our diabetes may prevent or make difficult this adoption. I hope not.

We have a niece (see the world's cutest nieces from a few weeks ago) who was born with a cleft lip and palate. My dad is a retired speech-language pathologist, although I think there's a new term for that profession now. This gives us confidence that we could parent a child with a cleft lip/palate. I don't think I can handle developmental disabilities or severe behavioral problems, such as FAS/FAE, Down's syndrome, autism, or ODD. I'm not imagining that the child/ren will be perfect, nor that every day will be conflict-free. Still, I'd really like a child who, at some point, will understand why I bristle at 'siked.'

So, in a perfect world, we would find a pair of male siblings, between the ages of 3 and 13, with one or both of them having a minor 'special need', such as cleft lip and/or palate, a limb difference (club foot, unusually formed hand, etc.), a birthmark, hepatitis B, or something like that.

We are sending this request out into the Universe to God. And trusting that the right path to these children will become clear.

Ceviche

2007-05-15T22:44:00.000-07:00

It must be summertime. Dr. Parts is making ceviche!

The fish & scallops is in the bowl at 10 o'clock. The cantaloupe, tomato, and mango is in the bowl at 2 o'clock. And my dinner portion is in the bowl at 6 o'clock. Yum!

I have been testing in the mornings. I had a reading of 87, and then the next day it was 102. All over the map.

The foot pain has been good. I think the Lyrica is helping immensely. It could also be the increased dose of Effexor. I'm up to 225 mg per day. I got to wear my cute shoes a few days this week, without excruciating consequences.

I had my first session with Dr. D, who is the pain psychologist assigned to me through the OHSU Comprehensive Pain Clinic. Well, this is the first treatment session, after my intake session, where I kinda collapsed. Much crying. He had some excellent insights for me and assignments. OHSU CPC made a CD for guided imagery and reaching the relaxation response state. My assignment is to do this 20 minute exercise each day. I also have a copy of the book Managing Pain Before It Manages You by Margaret Caudill. I have certain chapters to work through in that book. I do recommend that book highly.

So, all in all, it's been a good week.

Dr. Parts got his latest HbA1c, which was 8.7. He had to have his thyroid medication adjusted, and he's hoping that his energy level will increase. His doc sent him home with samples of Januvia, but not with instructions to take it.

When, oh lord, when?

Mother's Day Weekend

2007-05-13T20:28:00.000-07:00

I knew that my foot pain was much better this week, when I felt like I could stand during the singing portion of our weekly church service. I love singing with others. And, for us, the one chance per week to sing with others, is this portion of the church service.

I haven't stood all the way through it for some time. Perhaps over a year.

They handed out roses to all the mothers for Mother's Day. I am the correct gender and age to be a mom, so I graciously accepted one, without arguing the point with the teenager.

Dr. Parts and I hit the library and the grocery store after church. We shopped very nicely, with lots of produce and such. Warm weather has hit here, so we are thinking that it is time for some R-Family favorites, such as coleslaw, barbecued chicken, seviche (he makes the best ceviche, however you spell it!) and corn.

I got a little Tupperware gizmo which makes it very easy to make fresh salsa. Yes, it's probably that same thing that they sell at the state fair. It does make small batches. So night #1, we eat chips & salsa for dinner. Night #2, stop & buy another tomato, perhaps a small zucchini or summer squash, chop them, pull out good frozen corn kernels, add the rest of the homemade salsa, mix it up, leave it out on the counter for an hour (that corn has to thaw, silly), and eat for dinner. Yum!

It means fewer dinners of soup and interesting bread, less chili (not my favorite), less hot pasta dishes, fewer baked potatoes. Seasonal food is good food, usually.

I called my mother, who loves me very much. I called my grandmother, who loves me very much. I called my dad, who also loves me very much. It's a hard weekend for Dr. Parts, as it's only his second Mother's Day without his own mom. My mom would stand in, with a warm and loving heart, but it's not the same. We miss Karen.

My numbers are still higher than I'd like, running 100-130 in the morning. I can probably blame that on the 15 pound regained weight. The good news is: I am testing. It's hard to maintain that habit.

Bad night = Bad morning

2007-05-10T20:42:00.000-07:00

I've been having some trouble sleeping lately. I've been staying up late, watching stupid TV, and eating bad things while I stay up late. I've been going to bed between midnight and one am, for most of the past two weeks or so.

Well, I'm not eating horrible things. They're Kashi granola bars. Sweet, but high in fiber. It's not like it's chocolate cake.

But, this morning my am fasting BG reading was 170. OOOOoooo-weeeeee!

The day before, the reading was 102.

My weight's been up this year, regained about 15 lbs (which was about what I had lost in 2006), so I am being careful, and watching the numbers -weight numbers- creep down.

So, again, back to basics.

(Again. How many times in our lives do we need to return to these lessons? For me, apparently, at least once more.)

What has worked for me in the past, regarding weight and health?

1. Record keeping, posted boldly, where I can see it daily.

2. Daily weigh ins. (not weekly, not monthly)

3. Pre-planning to have good food choices available to me. (As opposed to the chocolate muffins and egg-salad sandwiches from the vending machines and the breakfast burrito from the catering truck that visits us at work.) Meal replacement bars work well for me. I've tried Glucerna, which is targeted for diabetes, and Slim-fast bars.

Foot pain update...It's been a pretty good week. I find myself walking more at work. I did not cringe when I had to make photocopies of several complicated files, which requires standing for 10-20 minutes.

Pain Meds: We're decreasing the nortriptylene and increasing the Lyrica. I hope it doesn't increase my insomnia symptoms. I also bought more of the lipoic acid and bought a multi-vitamin with a great B-complex spread. Although I have stronger meds (percoset and oxycodone) I haven't taken one in the past two weeks.

Medical appointments: DIDN'T HAVE ANY PAIN RELATED MEDICAL APPOINTMENTS THIS WEEK! Well, except for the acupunturist, and I've been doing that weekly since the first of the year, it feels very normal. This week my treatment with my fabulous acupunturist was not very painful at all. It was as if the pain tide was out. Niiiiiice.

So, next week I gt to start with the psych pain appointments and the neurological tests (EMG). I am going to be pissed if they don't find something. In other words, we've been attacking this foot pain issue with a full-court-press since January. If some treatment that we've found (the acupuncture or meds or supplements) has been effective at correcting the problem, leaving nothing for the neurologist to diagnose, then I may lose a good chance at understanding the genesis of the foot problem.

We have to take our best shot in life, and work with the information that we have. That's all I can do here.

Weekend with World's Cutest Nieces

2007-05-06T22:51:00.000-07:00

These are the world's cutest nieces, the daughters of Dr. Part's brother.

The eldest is Maddy, and the twins are Abby (in green) and McKenzie (in blue). They are wonderful girls, with many talents, although each having her own set of talents. They are active, fun, bright. They are delightful. They are a source of joy to me and to their uncle.

We had a great weekend, just hanging out with family. No big projects. No weddings. No funerals.

We spent Sunday afternoon with my grandparents. Still diabetic, still wise, still learning, still loving and advising us. They've moved from a one-bedroom apartment to a two-bedroom apartment across the hall. It is much better and they seem very relaxed and comfortable.

And now back to your regularly scheduled life: work, medical appointments, housework, etc.

Numb Toes make for good books

2007-05-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

Here's a shameless plug for the Numb Toes series of books by John A. Senneff on the timely topic of peripheral neuropathy. I'm only to page 57, and I'm loving it! ( Of course, the esteemed and pioneering David Mendoza has discovered them some time ago.)

These are sensible, specific, and direct. The books use enough technical language accompanied by enough explanation that I, with my high-school biology remnants tucked away in my brain, can understand it. And I may be able to talk to my physicians rationally. If only I had found these books last summer!

But I cannot dwell on what might have been. I must deal with what is.

I have an EMG study scheduled at the big medical school hospital in June. The descriptions I've read of EMG tests make them sound very similar to acupuncture. What fun! I hope I don't get a student.

The online description of the Mr. Big Neurologist, who I finally see in late July, does not mention peripheral neuropathy. Instead it mentions ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease or Amyotropic Lateral Sclerosis-and I typed that all by myself without looking it up. Hope you're impressed.) which is the disease that took Dr. Parts' mom, Karen. I'm sure he knows what he's doing. But the coincidence, that he was likely involved in making her diagnosis or in her treatment plan, and that I'm now referred to him, makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

And having seen ALS and Diabetes Mellitus both close up, I'd still choose Diabetes Mellitus, even with Peripheral Neuropathy.

I feel pretty angry that neither my podiatrist, nor my internist raised the possibility of neuropathy when I presented with kinda classic symptoms: bilateral (or symmetrical) pain and pain that was worse in the evening or overnight and interfered with sleeping. Were they just being optimistic when they steered me towards finding a solvable mechanical problem with my foot? I don't know.

I don't like going to so many medical appointments, and neither does my employer. I'm having a fairly good week, pain wise. I'm a little concerned about how much money my medical care is costing our family this year, but this will all work out, I'm sure. Not treating my pain is not a good choice, and worrying about the cost of treating my pain is not useful. I'm worth it.

Thanks for letting me vent. I love being able to blog here, although I will admit to being somewhat self-editing, due to the fact that both of my parents do read the stuff I write here.

I know, in a perfect world, since we're all adults now, I could say ANYTHING to my parents and it would be okay. But I'm not perfect. They love me, and I love them. We're not too angry with each other. I like that. I'd like to keep it that way. And I'm sure they understand.

I love you guys. All of you.

Many stones

2007-04-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

I've been hiding out for a little bit. I'm having trouble adjusting to the idea that I have neuropathy. It brings up all sorts of nasty feelings.

Did I do enough to control my diabetes the past eight years?

Did I do this to myself? Is all this pain my fault?

My HbA1cs have been fairly good, but I'm sure I have swings into highs that create the possibility of damage to my nerves and blood vessels, while the blood is overloaded with glucose.

Is this foot pain a physical manifestation of my thoughts? My negative emotions? Is it a punishment?

You know what I mean, I think. And yet these thoughts are lies. Because I haven't abused myself. I didn't wish this on myself. My faith is not weak. God's grace abounds, even to me.

I had my follow up visit with the NP at the Pain Clinic today. The MRI did not show any actionable flaws. It did show a little bit of degenerative joint disease in my great toe, but only on the left foot.

They recommended that I visit the psychologist for 8 sessions. He'll apparently teach me some coping techniques and tools that often prove helpful for folks with chronic pain. (And no, seeing the psychologist does not mean that they think the pain is all in my head. It means that I want to use my mind effectively in this battle.)

I haven't gotten past the (competent, highly effective, polite but immoveable) scheduler in the Neurology department, so I have to follow up with that. The NP assures me that the neurologist should be able to figure out whether the pain originates from a nerve injury (such as Joplin's neuroma) or from neuropathy. I'm hoping that the neurologist may have some sort of prediction of the course of the condition.

We tweaked the meds a little. I do feel like the pain is diminished, but I don't feel like it's conquered. I like the direction of the trend. I feel I can walk more. I don't feel like I have to ration my steps or my standing time. I'm still in my clunky unfashionable shoes.

Life is good. I think I can live with this pain. I think that it is not a punishment. And I don't think that it's OK for me to throw stones at myself, figuratively, thinking that I didn't do a good enough job at managing my diabetes.

Maybe I could have done better, eaten fewer bites of this, chosen that more often, but it's in the past. I have to deal with what is. No second-guessing, unless I can gain wisdom for the next set of choices.

Life is good.

Diabetic, Mental

2007-04-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

Today I saw this phrase on an application for services. Under the question, "what is the disability or medical condition that causes you to need services?", lay these words:

"Diabetic, Mental."

I feel the need to add that we had carefully reviewed this particular form, the process lasting about 18 months, and added the words "please be specific" after the question.

The caregiver filled out the form. So I get to call up the caregiver and find out what is meant by the phrase "diabetic, mental" in this particular case.

And what, then, does it mean in my particular case?

And what does it mean in yours?

Thwarted

2007-04-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

I went out to the one and only machine which sells my soft drink of choice, Pepsi One. I consume 2 to 4 of them per day at work, usually between 8 am and 2 pm. Steve, who owns and stocks the machines, says I keep him in business. (Couldn't I just hand him $20 every week, and ask him to walk one up to me when I'm out?) The machine's out in the shop. You're going to know that my foot pain's bad when I won't walk to get it. Really. I suppose I could roll the chair out, though...

Anyhow. Today, I found this:

The had cordoned off my machine!!

Curses!!!

Please pardon the second photograph, hard to judge the light from the reflective cones.

You don't want to get between me and my PepsiOne. And check out that first picture, again. See what they're advertising on the bus on the right side? Yes, that's right, Pepsi!

Grrr.

I've been more or less addicted to Pepsi products since I was about 12. Before diagnosis, it was regular pepsi. Since diagnosis, Diet Pepsi, although I signficantly prefer PepsiOne. It tastes much closer to the taste my system remembers from the High Fructose Corn Syrup sweetened stuff.

I leaned carefully over the protective tape and put my coins in the machine. I sweet talked one of the workers into handing the can to me. I smiled and walked away.

Tomorrow is another day. And it had better be better.

Here's Hoping for Amy

2007-04-16T22:41:00.000-07:00

I mostly use the internet to shop. Really it's true. And I can admit it. Sometimes I just am window shopping and sometimes I'm really buying. Sometimes I look for new pets. Sometimes I look for new homes.

But these listings for kids needing adoption just about break my heart. Here's the local one for the Northwest Region. But enough about that.. it's this kid who's been on my mind for a while.

I bring you the lovely Miss Amy of Louisiana. (Click on the link, please.) She has diabetes (type 1). She needs a home. I'm sure the last several years have been tough for her. Many of you know what it was like to be a teenager with diabetes. Can you imagine being a foster kid with diabetes in your teenage years?

There are websites for all sorts of special needs adoption kids-for ones with cleft palates, for ones with club feet, hepatitis, deafness, dwarfisms, etc. There are even a few websites that gather up the listings for available-for-adoption children with a specified diagnosis or disorder. But none (that I've seen so far) for kids with diabetes for adoption. Texas has this handy reference available, just in case you were considering a kid with Type 1 diabetes and had no idea what you might be getting yourself into.

Here's a link to the Louisiana Adoption Services page, if you need more information or wish to contact her worker. (I didn't ask anyone's permission before posting this, so I may get my hands slapped for it. It's a fine line to walk between seeking an appropriate adoptive family for a kid and advertising her like a laundry detergent. And the kids are deserving of respect and privacy. And here I am blogging about her. Talk about loss of dignity.)

If you're considering adoption, can you consider Amy? Or is there someone in your circle of friends who could be Amy's new family? I'm praying for her. Is there some way that the community of PWDs could support Amy? (Can we get her on dLife?) We'll have to think and consider this one.

Here's hoping for you, Amy! Hang in there, girlfriend. Keep on testing!

Things are cooking!

2007-04-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

Dr. Parts and the boys from work are off for the weekend camping. Here he is pre-cooking various foods which I promised I would not disclose on the blog, because they are, in the wife's opinion, not terribly healthful for human consumption, diabetes or non-diabetes. (It's Uncle Dave's Famous Beans. If you write your address on a five-dollar bill and send it to him, he'll send you the recipe. It is wonderfully high in fiber.)

This photo is informative, because, believe it or not, even with Big Dave in the shot, you can see about half of the kitchen. Between the camera and him is the sink. At his left hip is the one and only functional drawer in the kitchen.

A ONE-drawer kitchen! If women ran the world, that would be illegal.

I had my psychological consult Wednesday morning. He talked about my pain a little and took a basic history, made sure I was safe, etc.

Besides my family history of diabetes, I also come from a family with a history of depression. So I don't know if it's in the genes or if it's in the behavior patterns that I've learned or what. I live with depression close at hand. The level of depression varies from day to day, season to season.

So when they ask me to fill out a depression inventory to hand to the psychologist when I see him, and I'm filling it out, trying to be honest but not skewed, either way, and I'm close to crying, just from the inventory, I know that's a bad sign.

I hate going to therapy. It is exhausting. And I hate feeling this depressed when I'm on two antidepressant medications. I hate crying through the hour-long session about things that I don't usually think about at all. It's all background. It's part of the landscape of my life. It is baggage. Old baggage, that I thought I had gone through, sorted out and repacked neatly. It's not supposed to make me cry again now.

So, because I was weepy, he's probably going to recommend more counseling. And he's probably right. I just don't want to say so out loud.

I had taken the whole day off, personal time. I was glad I had, since I was still weepy for a while. I took a little shopping therapy mid-day.

Then in the afternoon, they did an MRI of my feet. That was fine. It was noisy, but the tech was kind, and since only my lower limbs had to go inside the machine, I did not feel claustrophobic. I'm not optimistic that it will show anything. I'm hopeful, but not optimistic. I still haven't gotten the appointment with the neurologist. Becca, the helpful scheduler, is still working on it. She has been helpful and told me where I was in the process. I'm sure she's a joy to her department. Maybe I'll nominate her for an employee recognition award....hmmm.

I have been testing regularly, at least my AM readings. They've been high this week. This morning? 207. The culprit was late night chocolate cake. And I probably should have stopped at a half of the store's portion size.

I've also started taking alpha lipoic acid as part of my supplement regimin. My feet do feel better. I forgot about an acupuncture appointment this evening. Uh-oh. I'll have to make up with my Ac, somehow.

And I also feel silly for complaining about my life and my circumstances, when I frequently hear stories about other people's lives, lives into which I would not willingly step. A twelve-year old, diagnosed with a fast-acting cancer, probably only weeks from diagnosis to release. A 31-year-old diabetic man with vision loss and on kidney dialysis. A woman newly diagnosed with ALS. I go through these papers on my desk, knowing that they represent people, lives, struggles and losses. I pray for them.

And I pray that the tide of my depression will recede soon. It will be nice to have the house to myself for the weekend. Dr. Parts took the dog out into the woods for the camping trip. They'll be back Sunday night. I'm missing them both already.

Learning from history

2007-04-10T21:57:00.000-07:00

Since diabetes is an ancient illness, it occurs to me that perhaps, it would be wise for the modern PWD to learn from the good practices of the many diabetics who have gone before her.

Thusly, I have prepared a small sample of what Scott optimistically calls my meal plan, or perhaps lack-of-planning would be more accurate in this particular illustration.

Sunday night dinner (Easter, as you recall, a traditional feast day):
French Toast, prepared a la waffler. Yum, yum. With peanut butter and margarine, and (real sugar) berry syrup and (non-sugared) maple-style syrup. Oh. And one fried egg. I ate five pieces.

Lunch, in case you were wondering, was with our friends over at Russell Street BBQ. God bless Sharon and Diane. And, let me state, that we do consider beef and pork barbeque to be an excellent celebratory meal. We did decline dessert. I must confess, though, to an intimate familiarity with the dessert menu offerings. My favorite? The fried pies, filled with chocolate ganache.

Monday morning reading: 192

Monday activity: Sincere repentence.

Monday night dinner: Homemade salsa & corn chips and minestrone soup. Corn chips, under most circumstances, send my readings sky high. I do my best to resist the evil ones (fried) and choose only the half-evil ones (baked). Couldn't find them on Monday.

Tuesday morning reading: 117

Perhaps I should visit Scott's nutritionist.

I'm back to OHSU tomorrow, for a visit to the pain psychologist and to the MRI lab. This should be interesting.

I'm not trying to fall off the wagon. I currently weigh 185 lbs, when I started the year at 170 or so. I'm very out-of-control with my eating, very worried and anxious. Time to reign in, reassess. Or, as Scarlett says, "Tomorra is another day."

Intake Visit

2007-04-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

It is a joy to go to a brand new medical center. The OHSU Center for Health and Healing is a beautiful place. (BTW, I'm told that the Diabetes Center is still in the older buildings at the top of the hill.)

The support staff was wonderful, great receptionist, great nurse. Each of the rooms, while still quite small, was equipped with a tiny computer , with a keyboard and screen on an articulating support arm. The NP kept typing, preparing my file. She went out and consulted with the MD, and they both spoke with me briefly.

Bottom line: some adjustments to my meds (less tylenol, more nortriptylene), an MRI exam for each foot (check on nerves, muscles & fascia), a visit to the neurologist and some nerve conduction studies, and a meeting with the psychology pain specialist, and then back to NP to regroup, hopefully in about three weeks.

It sounds as if they think my foot pain is, plain and simple, diabetic peripheral neuropathy. And it's just bad luck, and it's just because of my diabetes. And I'll just have to find the best way to control/endure/live with the pain and find alternate ways of exercising.

Perhaps I'm reading into what little signals I got today.

I recognize that my pain seems 'nervy' in origin. I know that pain that's worse at night and pain that is bilateral are both associated with diabetic neuropathy. But I'm hopeful that there is some other explanation and some other solutions. I'm not sure I'm ready to begin to accept the diagnosis of diabetic neuropathy.

Wait and see, wait and see.

PS. I went to see my acupuncturist this evening. I didn't intend to tell him about my earlier post about last week's painful session, but I did. He was pretty nice about it, and I think he'll actually let me come back. This week's session was MUCH LESS PAINFUL! I actually did get to relax, rather than just lie there, tense. I owe him a big, big flattering and positive post. Overall my experience with him has been GREAT and I would recommend him to anyone who asked. Oh, and maybe next time, he'll get pictures of my feet with all their little needles and jumper cables. Something to look forward to!

The Soap Opera of Diabetes

2007-04-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

I heard about this idea on NPR this morning. Here's a link to the article out of KUOW in Seattle.

Apparently, Group Health, the folks through whom my (paternal) grandparents got their healthcare for many years, has partnered with Seamar, a local community health service that serves the Latino community and produced a spanish-language soap opera, delivered over the radio. And the soap opera has diabetes woven into it. It's a health education message, delivered in a culturally relevant medium.

I applaud this effort. Since many Latinos will be affected by diabetes, any effort to give them tools to know about it, recognize the symptoms, and, after diagnosis, control the disease is a good one.

I wish the article said more about how they used the diabetes information in the plot and what results they're hoping for.

Let's hope they're working on the other part of the problem, providing the healthcare to folks who have their diagnosis. It all has to work together.

My Bruiser: An Update

2007-04-01T17:08:00.000-07:00

My dear husband is doing much better. The stitches were removed this week. He hasn't seen the doctor yet to ask all his questions about the implications of the clot, diabetes, etc.

He seems to have an allergy to the bandages, or the adhesive used in them, because his skin did not react well to them. We did try to move the bandage to not hit the same area time after time. Alas, he still got broken skin. That created the horizontal sores you can see in the photo. He's been continuing to use a triple antibiotic ointment on them.

He's all better now. We ate lunch today at the Greek Cuisina, then went shopping for new sleeping bags at REI. We didn't buy any.

Just three more days until my intake appointment at the OHSU comprehensive pain center. Counting down the days..

I hate my acupuncturist.

2007-03-29T22:36:00.000-07:00

Just had my weekly acupuncture treatment for my feet. I wonder, who ever thought this was a good idea?

Each week, I voluntarily lie down for this person to shove needles into me. Then, after the needles are inserted, and I have stopped yelling, he attaches the electrodes. This time, he was trying some new needles--Japanese, he says, highly polished.

This time, also, he was going to try two points of electrical stimulation, one above the point where we think the nerve is damaged, and one below. So, he attaches 4 leads on each foot. Think jumper cables, but doll-house sized. These clips are attached to the needles in my tiny little (sore and tender) foot muscles.

Then the torturer-ahem, licensed acupunturist turns the dial on the electro-gadget. Sooner or later, the current flows and the muscles between the needles starts jumping. Together, he and I try to settle on a good level for the current. Remember, he can see the numbers on the dial. He wants it to be as high as I can stand it, without my shrieks alarming anyone who might be waiting in the front office. At a good level it feels sort of like an annoying muscle tic. At a high level, it feels like its going to charlie-horse at any moment.

Then he wanders off to do paperwork, etc, and leaves me to relax for several minutes. Like 30 or so. (He does come check on me once or twice during the rest portion of the treatment.)

Today, he hit several nerves directly. Very painful. I noticed that I sound just like my mother when I am saying "ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!" Acupunturist asked, at one point, "Are you part cat?" I must have been yowling.

I said to him, with narrowed eyes, "It's a good thing I like you."

Sometimes the acupuncture spots become bruised, after treatment. Others have said that they've found acupuncture treatment very relaxing. Fine. I believe them. I just don't find it so. My treatment is painful.

But my foot pain is much less WITH acupuncture treatment than without. Even though the treatments are painful.

But I'm still very limited in my standing and walking ability. I wore the pedometer last week and only got 2800 steps. Before this foot pain attacked me last summer? I could easily get 7000 steps, without trying very hard.

I keep going back to the L.Ac. I know he's very caring and concerned about my case.

But sometimes I hate him. Especially when he first walks in to the treatment room and chuckles.

Attention: The Old Girls Club

2007-03-26T21:43:00.000-07:00

My tests all came back from my annual exam. All of my girly parts passed just fine.

Now, the husband, on the other hand....

His incision site is slightly infected. He went back to the doctor's office, but his doctor was on vacation, so saw one of the other ones. He's on antibiotics. His arm still looks better than it did in the photos, because the bruising continues to go down.

A little pre-emptive antibiotics. Something most of us with diabetes will eventually become familiar with.

I've fallen out of the habit of testing. Well, part of the problem was that both of my test kits were in my desk at work. And, believe it or not, I'm not there seven days a week, nor 24 hours a day.

So, I brought it home and it is sitting here, among the knitting, and the the debris of household life, and the animals, etc., ready for me to test first thing in the morning.

I still don't like being a diabetic. I don't like this disease. I feel like it amplifies my already too big tendency toward perfectionism. There's always something to work on, to improve, to perfect about my health, about my lifestyle management.

And I can get really tough on myself when I don't do what I planned to do or what I had said that I would do. Yuck.

In about the past month or so, either my eyes have experienced "the change" or I've noticed it. If you're over 45, you know what I mean. The muscles around the eyes, or the lens itself, I'm not sure which is the problem, but all of a sudden, I can't see things right in front of me, that I used to be able to see.

I'm wearing my reading glasses for my small gauge knitting.

Yes, I owned them before I needed them. But now I'm going to start a collection. Accessories are my life.

I knew there was a problem when I was reaching for my glasses in order to fasten a front-hook bra. I'm going back to the rear-fastening type. Those I can do without looking and noticing how old I'm getting.

My Bruiser

2007-03-24T18:56:00.002-07:00

Warning: graphic photos contained below.

My dear husband, affectionately known as 'Dr. Parts' on the blogosphere, had a minor operation this week. An Excision, we could call it.

He's had this little lump on his right upper arm ever since I've known him, which is just over four years. When I first noticed it, he said that he'd had it for a while, but it didn't bother him, maybe a cyst, etc.

Lately though, it has bothered him. It's been sore & painful. So, he points it out to Dr. M. Dr. M says "Aha, that's a cyst. We'll remove it, next time."

Next time came around on Monday. I wanted to go with Dr. Parts to the appointment, just in case it was more painful than he thought, just in case it was uncomfortable to drive. But, my offer was refused. "Refused" is a term which here means "laughed off as if it were ridiculous for this particular woman to imply that this particular man might ever feel pain or discomfort or any other sissified notion."

He came home, still alive, but with a very big bandage. "Well, it wasn't a cyst."

"It wasn't?" I ask. "Well, what was it?"

It was a blood clot, something which couldn't be detected until Dr. M had his arm open. Dr. M thought it had reduced in size and almost tried to talk Parts out of having it removed. Parts held his ground. Dr. M removed it, noting that it was right next to the nerve-imagine that!-and that there was another one in the arm, but too deep for an Internal Medicine physician to remove. Also the remaining one was smaller. He speculates that the clot was a result of earlier trauma. Dr. M says "I've never seen something like this in a human before."

Which leads to another whole interesting set of questions, such as, "And just when did you practice veterinary medicine?"

So, Dr. Parts goes back to Dr. M next week to have the stitches removed. And yes, he will be asking questions about the implications of having such a large blood clot in his arm. It was as big as the end of a man's little finger. And how does this relate to diabetes? And does it put me at more risk? And activities I should avoid? Any further tests or meds we need to include in my regimin after this?

Here's the photo. This is three days after the excision.

Oh, and the med office sent a note saying "Excision is not a cancer." That's good news.

Books and Inspiration

2007-03-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

I read Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. Loved the book. Very interesting, insightful, encouraging. Loved it.

Then, I went to his site and saw that the book was given an award by these folks at the National MS Society.

Then, at their site, I wandered around and checked out the other award winning books. You know, any book that's won an award called "Better Life", that's gotta be a good book!

So, the one that caught my eye was A Three Dog Life by Abigail Thomas. Great title, great photo, interesting life story. (Well, I was also interested in Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown, but my local library-may they be forever funded-has it in CD format and is loaning it to me.)

It's the memoir of a woman, Abigail Thomas, whose husband went out to the market and was hit by a car. Husband received a traumatic brain injury, which dramatically altered his memory. He became unable to live independently, and Abigail moved to live near him. The dogs came in, somehow, as part of her new life. I can't wait to read the book. Can't wait. Must have book. Must have book now.

The next link was to go to Abigail Thomas' website. There, I discovered, that she has an earlier memoir and a couple of children's books that I also want. And I discovered that she's a writing teacher.

And she has THIS PAGE about how to get started writing. It is delightful. It is inspiring. It's enough to make me want to try my hand at fiction again, after I just threw out box after box of reminders of my failed first try at fiction. [Please-don't ask. Is it just me, or do other poeple find their past as embarrassing as I find mine?]

And it is inspiring enough to remind me that I should write more...which, in my life, means writing more blog posts.

I hope you like it. I hope I do too.

Just as soon as I go out and get her book and finish reading it.

I read a lot about many different types of disabilities. It's sort of job related, because I do have to be a disability generalist. It also leads me, often, to the conclusion that I'm pretty happy with what I've got, because I sure wouldn't want to be up against what they've got. Diabetes Type 2 looks pretty good, compared to other things..

Garage Updates

2007-03-21T19:04:00.000-07:00

These are the 'after' pictures. I know, you can't see much difference. But I can!

Let me draw your attention to the tools mounted on the wall behind the bins. That wasn't there before!

Also, not pictured, is an overhead storage shelf thingy, ceiling mounted. Much of the camping furniture went there. It's great.

And, lo, what is that in the garage door? Could it be, a project underway? Why, yes. It IS a project underway.

And I'd like you to note that the stored items are in bins, not in secondhand, falling-apart cardboard boxes.

Dr. Parts has room to move around and do some work that he's wanted to get to for a long, long time. Here's he's sanding our two recently purchased bedside tables. We got them at our local unfinished furniture store. They are ash and beautiful.

He keeps asking, "How would you like me to finish them?"

I keep answering, "It's your project. You should finish them as you think best."

This is a going-back-in-time photo to Dr. Parts working in the garage last Saturday. Throwing stuff away. Isn't he fabulous!

And behind him, you can see all the Lori boxes that are no longer there. I must have gone through 10-15 boxes. I think I saved only 3 bins worth. I did great. He helped me carry a little more stuff than the previous Saturday.

He loaded up his truck and took it all to the dump. It's a hard process for me, but I do like the outcome.

I found lots of old boyfriend stuff. It merely confirmed the superiority of Dr. Parts over any other partner. I'm a very lucky woman.

Medium Old Diabetics

2007-03-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of me and my mom, also taken at my grandparent's home in February 2007. (And that box-like thing in the foreground is a music stand with a hand-made light. It is not a box of stuff.)

I show you this picture because of the garage. What's the connection?

Well, the few comments that I got on the garage post, besides Uncle Pesky who says that that my mis-organized garage aint got nothing on his barn("yers is all in boxes!"), were either 'yes, my garage is full of my kids' stuff' or 'my stuff is still at my folks' home."

Well, this photo is of a woman who avoided that fate. My mom, 'E', has worked hard most of her life to keep her stuff organized. She had cataloged most of the boxes in the attic. Mine were clearly labelled with 'L' and my brother's were clearly labelled with 'W'.

She decided, at some point, perhaps when she and her counselor were working on the idea of healthy boundaries, that when her kids were old enough to live on their own, they were old enough to be responsible for all of their own stuff. Yes, meaning ALL of their own stuff.

She would come visit me, in my tiny blue 14 x 16 foot room, and bring one or two boxes, clearly labelled 'L', up on her handcart in the elevator of my building. As she found stuff that was mine, she would set it aside and ask me to take it with me when I left after visiting her.

I think this was very wise of her, and perhaps should be adopted by wise parents in many settings. Okay, so she waited until we were out of college, but not much beyond that. (Allison, you must show your parents this post. George, Scott & Chrissie, take notice. Yes, George & Scott, eventually they will move out.) Of course, it does mean that the stuff has got to be organized; #1 child's stuff in only these boxes, #2 child's stuff in only those boxes, etc. And you will probably need to be persistent and loving in your moving of the material into the proper home.

You may have to set a time limit. Such as, "Darling, you still have five boxes in the attic. I'll set them in the entryway for your Thanksgiving weekend visit. Anything that's still left in my house by Mother's Day will be going into the garage sale."

Of course with deadlines like this, it helps if you said it like this when they were in grade school: "Lori, I'm going to be going into your room at 3 pm on Saturday. If there are any books, toys, or clothing on the floor and not in their proper place, I'm going to throw them in the garbage." And, it helps if, when they were in grade school, you followed through and actually threw the items away. (In our case the items were only confiscated for a week, which was what she said, but she followed through and kept these consequences for us. At one point, she had to threaten to remove all the books from my room-except the Bible- if I didn't clean my room. I cleaned. I cleaned desperately. I loved my books. I still do, including my Bible.)

So, this is part of why I have all of my stuff in my garage, rather than hanging out at Mom's.

Wise Mom.

Thank you, Mom. I love you, even if you did threaten to take away all my books.

Dr. Parts and I will work on the garage again tomorrow. We got through weekend #1 without damage to our marriage. I have confidence that our continued shared work toward a shared goal will continue to strengthen our marriage.

I also have Percoset. That's for afterwards.

The Annual Exam 2007

2007-03-14T21:40:00.000-07:00

Got my annual exam, which includes a quick physical exam, a pelvic exam and pap smear. Mine also included a mammogram and an ultrasound of one of my breasts. Yes, this was planned. No worries. I've had this particular lump since my middle twenties.

When doc came into the room and saw the OHSU pain clinic referral forms, she said, "You know, this doesn't fit into your physical today."

She listened anyway. She's giving me the referral. I also got the exams.

She gave me a prescription for another 30 percosets. She also gave me a prescription for nortriptylene, which is an older anti-depressant which is sometimes used for pain control. I'm supposed to take one pill at bedtime.

We talked about pre-labs. In other words, next appointment, I can call in about two weeks ahead of time and she'll order what labs she wants, I get the blood work done about one week ahead of time, and we can have the results to discuss, rather than a little note containing my numbers.

So, this evening, after work, I was in pain. Dr. Parts made dinner, beef hamburgers for him, boca burgers for me. With all the fixings, including fresh tomatoes and lettuce. Great stuff. I got the presciptions filled. I took a percoset and a nortriptylene. I feel okay now. I can feel the foot pain, but it's very distant.

Physician also gave me some good advice about the pain clinic. She suggested that I focus on trying to get a clear diagnosis, not simply pain relief, just in case the problem is a solvable one. It's excellent advice.

Now I just have to wait for the results to come in the mail. And for OHSU to take my referral and fit me in. OHSU says 7-10 days. If I get in within 30 days, I'll count it good.

Garage Pain

2007-03-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

This is what can happen when you let two persons marry at the age of (roughly) 40. Two sets of memories and momentos, stacked in the one-car garage.

Saturday, Dr. Parts decided it was time to organize this mess. He gave us a deadline of 10 days.

TEN DAYS?!?

We've only had this mess at this level for roughly four years, and now we have ten days to resolve it? Oh, well, let's dig in and see how far we get.

We did great! Probably about one-third done. He got some shelves to hang from the ceiling and mounted them and put the camping chairs and cots up.

I carried my boxes (those are the boise cascade green & white paper boxes) and took them to the living room and sorted them out. I probably did ten, and saved only about one box worth.

We set aside donations and a lot of trash.

Downside? My feet have been killing me since Sunday.

I am so discouraged. I'm thinking that I'll have to quit my job because I don't perform at an adequate level when I'm in that kind of pain. It feels as if they just finished caning the soles of my feet. And if I can't bring in my salary, how will we sell the house? Or is there some kind of career change that I can do which will require less actual steps? And if I can't step as much as I used to what the **** is going to happen to my future, and my diabetes? No exercise? What kind of life is that? What's it going to do for my circulatory system? Maybe I should just go ahead and have the blanking surgery? And since the **** pain is bilateral, that means it's probably not related to my bones, or the structure of my feet. Bilateral pain is probably neuropathy.

I am doomed, doomed! I'm already on pain meds, I'm already on antidepressants; what more can they actually do for me? And it's a *&*(&^ invisible disability, because I look perfectly fine and healthy. Should I get a scooter/powerchair? And if I do, will it work with our vehicles? Those people are going to think I'm crazy...

And so go the voices in my head. Around and around they go, gaining speed with each lap.

So, on my annual exam visit to MD tomorrow, I will officially ask for a reference to the OHSU Comprehensive Pain Center.

I've printed out the forms my doc needs to fill out. I've also got the 22-page intake form that I have to fill out for my first appointment.

Here's hoping that they can restore my bank account of hope, related to my foot pain, because I'm all out in that area.

And I'm hoping Dr. Parts will give me more than ten days to finish up my part of the project. He's a good man.

My Naivete

2007-03-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

(And no, I don't know how to get the accent displayed on that last e, as it should be)

I continue to be dismayed by the Portland Police Bureau's use of a stun gun to subdue Ms. Brandi Hess, who was experiencing a diabetic episode. Yes, I know she was combative and striking the officers and medical personnel. Yes, I am very happy that she got the medical help she needed and is still alive. Yes, I am very glad that she was not beaten, nor sat upon by a 250 lb. officer, nor had ribs broken, etc. I am very happy that she was not shot. I am happy that she does not have brain damage.

I do not think the police were wrong to assist her in receiving medical aid. I do not think that Brandi was wrong in her management of her diabetes. I'm not blaming either of them. I wasn't there.

But I do wish it had happened differently.

After a little more research (maybe that should be the title of my blog), I learned that this sort of thing is not that uncommon. Probably every 6-12 months, some poor diabetic, behaving erratically as a result of diabetes, somewhere in the USA has an encounter with the police or authorities, where she or he is beaten or subdued in a manner which seems excessive to me. Sometimes, the diabetic dies. Sometimes, somebody sues. Here's a story about a driver who crashed, suspected of being drunk, was actually low. Here's another story. And another.

I learned that if you do searches for news including the words "diabetic" and "police", you will find some pretty sad things, such as this story about Hallie Shanklin's mother being convicted for Hallie's death. And that's not even going back very far.

I'm not sure what to think about finding out that I am, at nearly 42, still so naive and hopeful to think that a person with diabetes can receive good medical care without being beaten or tasered or blamed for poor diabetes self-management. I don't like to think that injury at the hands of the authorities is one of the possible side effects or complications of diabetes (type 1 or type 2).

I like my hope. I like to think that the world can be a good place to be. And I will continue to look for examples of people being kind and helpful to others. And I'll keep trying to be a wonderful person who is kind and helpful to others. Somedays I do it. Sometimes not so much.

I find, for me, that it's hard to be kind when my feet hurt. Maybe the police officers were responding out of their pain, rather than out of their compassion. Not unreasonable.

Here's the story: Police use stun gun on woman experiencing diabetic crisis.

2007-03-11T19:07:00.000-07:00

Here's a link to the story at KATU.

The person's name is Brandi Hess.

I do not know you, Brandi, but I send you good thoughts and support during this time.

I'd suggest that you find counseling or some sort of support system, as many people who experience something like this sometimes struggle with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). And who needs that on top of diabetes?

Knowing that a person experiencing a diabetic crisis may be combative, as Brandi reportedly was, and may not respond rationally to instructions, this is basic knowlege about diabetes. They were called to the house to assist, due to her diabetic crisis. This action, at this point, seems to be very, very bad.

I hope they investigate and take appropriate action.

Portland has had problems with use of deadly force. Now, remember, I've lived in Portland since 1970, off and on. I've lived in Portland steady since 1988. There have been two deaths of mentally ill persons at the hands of Portland police (one was inside a hospital) during that time. There are been two african-american persons shot to death at traffic stops within the past five years (the time since I've lived in a more ethnically diverse area of the city). Since the two african-american deaths, supposedly, the police department has reviewed its rules on deadly force and its policies on citizen review of use of force incidents.

And now this.

Please pray for Brandi and her family and friends if you're a prayer (I am). Please do whatever you feel is right to stand with Brandi as she goes through this time.

As a former boss used to say, more will be revealed.

Portland Police used a taser to subdue a woman experiencing a diabetic crisis.

2007-03-11T18:39:00.000-07:00

Just watched this on KATU news. I haven't located a link to the story yet. Here's a link to the TV channel website.

I don't know this young woman, but would guess that she has type 1.

She is still alive, but upset, obviously.

I'm usually a big fan of the police, even the Portland Police, who have made some ...how shall we say...questionable decisions regarding use of force in the past few years.

But this. This I'm going to be following closely.

Seven Sevens

2007-03-06T22:21:00.000-08:00

I'm not usually one for memes, those things that make their way around the internet.I'm not real sure why they don't appeal much to me....

We had a great dinner with Allison. She posted the photo and described the dinner very well. She did inspire both me and Dr. Parts to test more often. We're also reporting our numbers out loud to each other.

Seven Things to do before I die:
1. Visit London
2. Be a parent, or maybe not
3. Write a book
4. Get the house organized
5. Own a chihuahua or other teeny tiny dog (under 10 lbs)
6. Finally become a committed strict vegetarian (eat like a vegan)
7. Get a real career

Seven Things I cannot do:
1. Lie to my mother (Okay, I can do it, but I can't do it well. She always knows. )
2. Save money
3. Pass up an animal in pain or in need
4. Give up chocolate.
5. Give up PepsiOne, my current favorite diet cola. Diet Pepsi is a distant second.
6. Keep a kitchen clean. Heck, keep a house clean.
7. Drive a standard transmission vehicle

Seven Things that attract me to my man:
1. The whole matching disease thing is good
2. Wonderful blue eyes
3. Kindness
4. Christian Faith
5. Strength
6. Can fix things (like cars)
7. Very willing to help folks out

Seven Things I say:
1. "Deep yogurt" (that's a substitute for deep sh**)
2. "That is not a basis for granting paratransit eligibility."
3. "I'd be happy to do that."
4. "You're my favorite husband."
5. "Have the animals been fed, or are they lying to us again?"
6. "I love you."
7. "Life is good."

Seven Books I love:
1. Charlotte's Web by E.B. White
2. Watership Down by Richard Adams
3. The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
4. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
5. Decision-Making and the Will of God by Garry Friesen (No, really. I do mean it. I'm not making it up. I love this book because the concepts in it changed my life and my relationship with God.)
6. The Bible. Wouldn't travel to a desert island without it. Lots of action and great human drama, lots of stupid human tricks, and lots of excellent words of wisdom, some of which I practice on a regular basis, some not so often. I have much to learn.
7. The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling. AND A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. No, the books. Don't see the movies; read the books.

(They're going to have to take away my keyboard here. I could go on and on about books I love. I love many, many books. Currently finishing up book 2 of Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. Wow! But I *have* to switch to Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, the same guy who wrote Emotional Intelligence Because ten other users at the local library want to read it, so they won't let me renew it. Curse them! Just let me have the books. I just want to hold it in my hand. Oh, that's another thing I say.)

Ahem

Seven Movies I love:
1. The Princess Bride
2. Working Girl
3. Fly Away Home
4. White Christmas
5. Joss Whedon stuff: movie or TV: Buffy, The Vampire Slayer (TV), Firefly (TV), and Serenity (movie)
6. Alien (because of Sigourney, of course, and because they save the cat.)
7. Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile (both based on Stephen King stories. Green Mile features a guy who went to high school with my paternal grandmother, Dabbs Greer)

Seven people to tag:
I don't believe in tagging. If I should have tagged you, then consider yourself tagged. This kind of tagging is sorta like chain letters, which would fall under my 'Seven Things I Hate'...right next to emotional blackmail.

Very Old Diabetics

2007-03-03T14:43:00.000-08:00

Here are my beloved grandparents, checking their blood sugars together, before dinner last saturday. Orville is facing us, and Betty is writing down the numbers. Orville is 89.

They don't have the most up to date meters. They take 30 seconds to display results. But, they can read them, with their limited eyesight.

They, like most of us type 2s, like their desserts. But they choose them carefully and they eat good portion sizes.

This photo is taken at their new apartment in a retirement community. Their apartment is coming together and they will get to move from the one-bedroom to a two-bedroom unit soon. They need the second bedroom, because Nana gets insomnia and needs an office where she can work in the middle of the night without disturbing Grandpa's sleep.

But they are still calculating their own insulin dosages. They still have good numbers and get good HbA1c readings. Nana's had diabetes since around 1980.

They're not on dialysis. They don't have any parts amputated. And look at that smile.

Life is good, even a good long life, with diabetes.

I don't know how long I'll have them in my life, but I am very fortunate to have had their good example.

Trust and the Diabetic Partner

2007-02-23T00:13:00.000-08:00

I've been reading this book called 21Ways to Defuse Anger and Calm People Down by Michael Staver.

Confession: I actually read few books. I listen to many many books while driving around in my car, and one of my favorite features about my new car is that it can handle both cassette tape and CD.

So, you may ask, what has this to do with diabetes?

Not much, not directly, except for this one little tidbit. He has this equation: Consistent Behavior over Time equals Trust.

I've been thinking about this in the context of diabetes and the relationships we have, especially in terms of the partners of PWDs. The Diabetes Partner Follies over at Diabetes Mine, always a favorite. And the blog Wife of a Diabetic, although it is not for the faint of heart.

Since I am a diabetic, and the wife of a diabetic, both of us type 2s, I know both roles. I'm also the daughter of two diabetics, the niece of several diabetics, and the granddaughter of two. (Diabetic cousins, please sign in now.)

Do you remember the equation? Consistent Behavior over Time equals Trust.

SOME persons in my family have at some times in the past accused me of being the Diabetes Police. Hmmm, we won't name names.

So, I was venting with a different, non-related, diabetic friend. D-friend shared the opinion that I couldn't possibly be part of the Diabetes Police, because I am a diabetic. Therefore, I do know a little bit about diabetes, and it's not like I'm a non-diabetic imposing my false and out-dated ideas about how a diabetic person should live.

Beggin your pardon, but my non-specific family member might beg to differ with you.

My grandparents eat at the same time, take meds at the same time, test at the same time, share their numbers, and discuss how much insulin to take for a particular meal.

My husband and I do not test together and are fortunate if we eat one meal together a day. We rarely discuss diabetes or diabetes-related topics.

Sometimes, it's along the lines of "Your doctor's office left a message on the machine about your appointment tomorrow. You should listen to it."

"Oh really, what did they say?"

Hard look. "You should listen to it yourself."

I always quiz my folks when I think I can get away with it. "So Dad, how's your diabetes? Did you see that podiatrist you were talking about?"

Let's go back to the equation. If Consistent Behavior over Time equals Trust, is it then true that Consistent Bad Behavior over Time equals Mistrust? Perhaps so.

So, if (relative)thinks my behavior towards (relative) regarding diabetes is bad, and if I do that same (bad) behavior over time, it only builds mistrust. And that's not good for close family relationships.

And the equation might be true for your relationship with your physician, or with your CDE. Consistent Behavior over Time = Trust (or Mistrust).

After several years with my physician, for the most part, she trusts that I know what I'm doing with my diabetes management, because my consistent behavior, as measured by my HbA1cs, over years, has produced trust. This doesn't mean that she doesn't ask questions. She does. She makes herself available for help or adjustments if needed.

But I'm not giving up my family just because they may handle their diabetes differently than I do mine. Sometimes, you just have to trust. And sometimes, you have to be the one to trust first.

It feels sort of like walking out on a frozen pond. It's likely to be OK. It has been OK in the past. But I don't want it to break this time.

[I know, it's rambling and not as funny as the last post. I promise, I'll post any joke I can think of soon. Besides, some of you should write some diabetes jokes, too!]

One D Joke

2007-02-21T08:57:00.000-08:00

Lori and Allison are walking through the city. The pass a chocolate shop and Allison's handbag starts beeps loudly five times.

"What's that noise?" asks Lori.

"It's my new meter,"Allison replies. "You know how I am about gadgets. I just had to get the latest meter. It has a proximity alarm for things that are dangerous to PWDs. So it beeps when I'm too near high concentrations of sugar, fats, things like that."

They continue on down the street and pass a bakery. The meter beeps loudly 10 times. Lori is starting to get a little embarrassed by all this. The pass a fast food joint and the meter beeps loudly 10 times and adds a shrill siren at the end.

Finally they turn into the office building. The alarm goes crazy, super-loud beeps and sirens and klaxons, and verbal warnings to leave immediately. Allison nearly drops her bag. She looks around. "Gosh, I don't know what's wrong with it. There's not even a coffee shop or a newsstand selling mints in here."

Lori says, "Oh, didn't you notice the listings? This building has some new tenants: your health insurance company, a brand new pharmaceutical company, and the state republican party headquarters. "

(Okay, so it's bad, really really bad. I'm not George, what can I say?)

Diabetes Joke Challenge

2007-02-19T20:57:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I have stereotypical ideas about the genders. I admit it. I do.

I think that women don't tell jokes, the traditional joke-joke, as well as men do. I think it's something about the way the brains are wired. Mine is wired for matching colors; his is wired for puns.

I can't even remember jokes. You know, all those why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road jokes and semi-matching punchlines you've heard over your lifetime. I can't even repeat them, and most men I know could probably list off at least five on demand.

Still, when I come up with a great opener like "two diabetics walk into a bakery on a saturday night" I can't leave it alone.

I'm going to be working on at least five jokes along that theme.

I think the basic pattern goes like this:

Two PWDs walk into Piece of Cake on a Saturday night. George says, "Hey, Scott, we should probably test, so we can decide whether to get the sugar free cake or the real stuff."

[Insert punchline here.]

Or...

Scott and George walk into a bakery on a Saturday night. The gal behind the counter sees them and shakes her head. She points to the door and says, "You'll have to leave. We don't serve your kind in here."

Scott and George glance at each other and say, "It's okay, [insert punchline here]."

See, I'm so un-funny when it comes to jokes. Dr. Parts says we might have to hire a real writer.

But I think that George and Scott are funny dudes. They can probably come up with something. It might require editing the photos though.

So, George and Scott and any other funny writers, I want to see some "Two Diabetics Walk Into A Bakery" jokes. Please. Post 'em on your weblog. Email them to me and I can post them here, if they're nice and clean.

In the meantime, if you need some funnies, you can go here.

I wish it were a joke.

2007-02-18T00:58:00.000-08:00

Have you heard this one? Two diabetics walk into the bakery department on a saturday night....

Well, there goes all my credibility for advocating good health for persons with diabetes.

As I keep telling my Uncle Pesky, I do think that the central question of the disease and the lifestyle treatment for Type 2s is CHANGE. How do you change the habits of eating and activity that got you here? Perhaps, earlier in life, this Saturday night photo might have included an entire cake, rather than four pieces. Perhaps, earlier in life, this photo might have included a gallon of ice cream and some cookies, too.

Is it an improvement? Maybe.

Is it ideal? Gosh no. No way.

Is it real? Very real.

You should have seen Dr. Parts when I whipped out the camera and took the photo.

Maybe we should have a weekly check-out shot for the blog. Hmmmm. I might have to think about that one.

The Central Question of Diabetes (type 2)

2007-02-16T19:54:00.000-08:00

A letter from Uncle Pesky to me:
When we have a Dependency, or When we need to change something, or When we need some will-power.....I've been dwelling on that lately.

Re: Food. If it's around, I will usually sample. Once I start a meal, it's difficult for me to stop at the 'full' level. I love it, and I just keep on eating as long as I have some to eat.

OK, so we are programmed as "wee small chirren".It's generally accepted that we wont ever change what we are.That's what I've been dewlling on. Changing something really deep.

When I quit smoking, I quit cold Turkey.It took some time to think it out.I figured I had at least three Dependencies.The Emotional habit.The Psychological need.The Physical need.The Reach...a sort of a crossectional between Psychological need and Psychological Habit.The "Reward" feeling that calls for a smoke.The feeling that wants a smoke whenever nothing else is happening.Probably more that all that too.Those things can all be 'ignored' and a person eventually will no longer 'need' the Cigarettes.But all of those things are the surface symptoms of something deeper.

Food is different. Since we must have food everyday, we cannot ignore Food and just never touch it again, like we can Cigarettes.

So in order to beat the urge to eat, we need to reach way back into our Psyche.Somewhere back in those early days is the 'Program Bit' that calls for Food, whether we need it or not, and convinces us that we will just do it, and ignore all the warnings.Our 'evil twin' tells us it's OK.That 'evil twin' is a name we give to something we cannot understand and cannot seem to control.It's that 'thing' we cant see but it can sure reach out and control us, that I'm trying to locate.Moving away from food for a minute.Whatever this 'thing' is, it contributes to lazyness, fear, lack of interest, Depression and probably some Hyper activities as well.I tried to reach it with the 'quiet room' technique. (Pogo called it his Ponderin stump)It's amazing what that activity will help out with. But I never got far enough back in time with it.

When I got up from thinking (this happend once) I had a headache from the effort.I went to the medicine cabinet for some Asprin. When I looked in the mirror, my forhead, ears and cheeks were bright red. Flushed with blood.I guessed thinking was a lot rougher on me than I first thought it would be.
So what do you think about this, Lori?
Can we ever reach back into our early childhood and change that program bit?

A reply to Uncle Pesky:

I think you've hit on what is, in my opinion, one of the central issues of living with type 2 diabetes. I kinda call it the question of change.

Can we change? If so, what method is the best method for producing a change?

I view a diabetes diagnosis as a call to health, a call to change our habits of life to produce the greatest health we can in our physical bodies.

Part of that involves changing our eating habits: changing what foods we choose to eat and changing the amounts of food we choose to eat. There may also be some change of the timing of eating foods.

There are many people who advocate the cold turkey technique. Make a BIG change and make it at a specific time. No turning back.

There are many people who advocate the gradual implementation technique. Make several small changes at specific intervals. Give yourself time to adjust before moving on to the next necessary change.

I do think that it's possible to change that deeply programmed stuff, but I don't think it's easy. My mother's treats (mayonnaise cupcakes, thin pancakes, and waffles) will always call to me. (Oh, and the choco-nugget cookies. So good!)

I think different people use different methods to change that early childhood programming. Some call it re-parenting, where you imagine that you're your own parent, a loving, perfect, wise parent, with all of the life-lessons that the adult knows (instead of those well-meaning idiots who actually got to raise you and made all those mistakes). And you can tell your younger self some different things about eating, and satisfaction and love and worthiness.

Some might use hypnosis or subliminal techniques. Some would use adversion therapy, where you snap a rubber band on your wrist whenever you make a poor eating choice.

Something I sometimes try, especially at church picnics or giant buffets, is to take a sample or small portion of a few things I want to try. I don't heap the plate. I give myself permission to go back through the line several times, but I don't take large portions of any one thing. That's good for those of us who were taught to eat all of the food that we put on our own plate.

Other behavioral technigues might include eating more slowly. Putting the fork down on the table between bites is one example. I believe this is meant to retrain the brain-stomach connection, to let you feel when your stomach and appetite are full, rather than just continue eating automatically.

Hang in there. Keep on treating yourself well.

V-Day

2007-02-15T23:24:00.000-08:00

I went back to Pod #1 on Tuesday. Pod #1 doesn't necessarily agree with Pod #2 that I have Joplin's neuroma. I think he doesn't agree because my pain presents differently, without shooting pains down to the toe. (Did you know that bilateral foot pain is characteristic of diabetic neuropathy?) So, he shot me up with cortisone, in one foot only, just to see what happens.

Gosh. You know what steroids mean for a diabetic. Elevated BG levels. The day before V-day. Thanks, hot shot!

The foot doesn't really hurt, as some predicted when they heard I got a cortisone shot. It doesn't feel significantly better. It does feel...different.

Went to see the acupuncturist tonight. He's disdainful of the other (allopathic) pratitioners, although he tries to hide it with a veneer of politeness, sometimes. The feet feel pretty good right now.

Course, I had to read this article when the title included "eases foot pain". That is one approach I haven't tried, ever.

So, I'm testing every few hours, but the sugar levels seem about the same as usual for me. Hmm. Do you think Pod #1 might have slipped me a placebo? I don't really care if he did or didn't; it may be good for a diagnosis. But he better not bill for drugs if he gave me saline!

I know, the pain meds are making me a leeetle paranoid. No, no, I'm not trying the new approach.

I hope your Valentine's Day was very good. Dr. Parts took me out to dinner. It's a lovely local bar, all decked out in dusty rose velvet. One room is the bar & Oregon Lottery poker lounge. It is always full and always smoky. The other room is the dining room, with boothes and the pool table. It is nonsmoking and has been empty, save for us, both times earlier we ate there. On Valentine's day, we thought there'd be 4 or 6 other couples. No, only one other table was occupied.

I'm discouraged about the foot pain, but Acupuncturist is encouraging that his treatment is working to break down the scar tissue that may be affecting the nerves.

Talked with a woman today whose 16-y-o daughter has diabetes, bipolar, and, apparently, a nasty rash of teenage rebellion. Daughter has, apparently, Type 2. These kinds of talks make me glad that I have my own diabetes, and not that kid's diabetes & other stuff. I pray that kiddo gets a handle on her life and her disease.

On to the next holiday...

Saturday Excursion down the Gorge

2007-02-11T15:26:00.000-08:00

Dr. Parts had itchy feet, which meant that we needed a day trip.

We took the new spiffy red car and drove to the Dalles. We ate at Cousin's Restaurant, sort of a brunch meal. We were driving to the Maryhill Museum, which I thought I had researched thoroughly at this site. I've lived in the northwest for many, many years and never visited it yet.

We thought we'd stop at the Stonehenge replica first. It was built as a memorial to the war dead of WW1, and they've continued with memorials for those who gave their lives in other wars. Here's the photo I got:

We walked down to Sam Hill's gravesite. Yes, we believe our Sam Hill, is the Sam Hill memorialized in the saying "what in the sam hill is going on?" and its variants.

We drove up to the museum and realized the critical piece of information that I had failed to glean from their website. They are closed until March 15. Curses.

We decided to travel the 10 miles north to Goldendale, since Dr. Parts and I had never been there. Along the way, we stopped at this scenic viewpoint:

Okay, I found it very amusing. The photo is of good solid Washington winter fog. (I was born in Washington state. I believe I can say this.) Nothing was visible beyond the trees there. As we drove on I-84, Dr. Parts spotted the herd of wild bighorn sheep which can sometimes be seen in the Gorge. He pulled over and got photos. We also spotted four or five bald eagles sitting in the trees along the water. (Four or five, because we think #5 was one that we had probably seen earlier in the day.)

We drove back to the Dalles, stopped at Celilo Falls, which for centuries was a traditional gathering spot for native peoples. They fished for salmon at the falls there and it was the center of a trading network. It's not the same since the dams.

We ate dinner/late lunch at Baldwin's Saloon in the Dalles. That was fabulous. I'm definitely going back there. Great fresh food. Quiet and beautiful atmosphere. Terrific servers. Yum, yum. We did not even look at the dessert menu. Good for us.

We stopped at the Gorge Discovery center at about 5:20 pm. The worker, noting that we only had about 40 minutes left, let us in without the standard admission fee, encouraging us to come back when we had more time. We did a walk-through. They've got a great museum. I loved the wild flower displays. Dr. Parts always goes for the geology. This museum also does a great job at having plenty of hands-on stuff for the kids to try and read and play with. It draws them in and helps them believe that museums are fun places. How cool.

We came home and slept. It was a good day. My feet were not terrible, although I was dismayed at how sore I was from the little amount of walking that I did.

Terrible Tuesday

2007-02-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

I got to work, only ten minutes late, only to realize that I had taken none, yes, that's right, none of my meds. What a brilliant diabetic am I!

I had to call the acupuncturist to find out whether we had set our appointment on Wednesday or Thursday night. I had forgotten to record it. Silly me.

I'm developing a boil or something on my [unidentified body part]. I get these from time to time. They're bigger than a pimple, but seem smaller than a boil. I use the ointment called BoilEase, but they often get infected because I want to express them before they're ready. It's already infected, I believe, another great move for a person with diabetes. I recently learned, if I'm correct, that the technical term for this is cellulitis. ( I think Dr. Parts would send me to the doc to ask for antibiotics if he saw it. Don't tell him.) I'll keep an eye on it. It will likely heal in the next week or so.

Is that too much information to post in a blog? Too personal? Too much? Really? Well, you can be grateful that I have not posted a photograph for your review.

I left work a few hours early because Dr. Parts wanted me to meet him in Posh Suburb for Happy Hour to meet a coworker he thought I would like. Coworker was late. We ate too much food and drank waaay to much (expensive) booze. We talked about how foolish their (non-present) co-workers were in their political beliefs, which differ from ours.

We were meeting in Posh Suburb, because I had a knitting class to attend. I am learning to knit socks (see my other blog but don't stay there because it's about knitting, which among diabetics, may only be interesting to me and Monika, aka Monika). We were at the crucial technical aspect of the class, turning the heel, a portion of knitting that requires good vision, excellent counting skills, and paying attention. Did I mention that this is class number three of four, with several persons who I like and/or admire? And I show up rather tipsy. Terrific.

Well, I turned the heel, without having to tear anything out, and I picked up the several stitches that I dropped. They don't count if you pick them up again. Really.

Good thing that tomorrow is another day.

Dr. Parts got home safely. I got home safely. 'Course, after knitting class, I was much less tipsy. I went home and took my meds. And confessed all here.

And, although this post relates more to my personal foolishness and poor choices today, I exchanged emails with my diabetic uncle, which I thought would be a nice blogpost, that actually is diabetes-relevant and might be encouraging to others. Perhaps tomorrow. Second chances are a wonderful thing.

Tomorrow is another day.

Allison & Joplin

2007-02-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

I hate Allison. Well, not true. I don't hate Allison. I hate Allison's idea for the OC New Me challenge. Because I am waaay up on my weight numbers. I think they swapped out my diuretic (really, it's for the blood pressure, not for weight loss) and put in a fake one. My number this evening was 183.2 lbs. Curses.

However, I believe that Pod #2 has given us the correct diagnosis for the foot issue.

Apparently, I have Joplin's Neuroma. Or, as the scientists put it, perineural fibrosis of the proper digital nerve to the hallux. And I have it in both feet. So put 'bilateral' in front of that big long latin sounding phrase, and you have it. Also, you can substitute 'compression neuropathy' or 'entrapment neuropathy' for the phrase 'perinural fibrosis', and still be correct, I think.

Pod #2 injected lidocaine solution into each foot, specifically into the nerve she believed involved. She then had my try and trigger the foot pain. I squatted, resting all my weight and balancing on the balls and toes of my feet. (Hyper-extended? I don't know the correct term.) This would normally trigger severe pain within two or three minutes, which would then last for days.

The good news is: I think Pod #2 has nailed the diagnosis. Pod #2 also spoke very highly about Pod #1, so I can go back to Pod #1 for treatment options. Also, correct diagnosis allowed the acupuncturist to adjust his treatment, and the feet feel much better.

The bad news is: damage like this to the nerves is, apparently, very difficult to actually heal. Also the delay in correct diagnosis, may have allowed the fibrosis to progress. The fibrosis, scar tissue, can almost strangle the nerve. Also, there is very little information on this particular location of neuroma on the web; most information is about Morton's neuroma, which is further in between the toes. (And yes, I found this article, and this site, too. Great site, I must say, but not specific information about the Joplin's neuroma.)

So, treatment options: surgical removal of the neuroma. Also, alcohol injections to damage/calm/cauterize the nerve. (Couldn't they use Botox for this, I wonder?) They may adjust the orthotics further. I'll also ask if the medications should have any adjustment, now that we know the nature of the source of the pain.

I'm troubled by surgery and by the injections to damage the nerve. Although I'm very attracted to life without pain, and to regaining at least a normal activity level for a person my age (41), I'm deeply troubled by the idea of deliberately creating numbness in a diabetic foot. Wouldn't that just set me up for trouble in future years (hopefully 20 or so)? We shall see. We shall see.

Testing...

2007-01-30T12:28:00.000-08:00

My tests came back from January 22:

HbA1c is 5.7. Hooray!

And now for the bad news. Cholesterol is 236, LDL is 137, HDL is 46, and triglycerides are 207.
According to the little form sent by the clinic, desirable for total cholesterol is under 200, LDL shoud be under 100, HDL should over 35, and triglycerides should be under 150. So, three out of four are not in the ideal range.

Here's the note from Ms. Doc on the cholesterol numbers: "A bit too high. Can manage with diet and exercise."

HA! What does she think I've been doing since my diagnosis?

In my opinion, an ideal diabetic diet should be an ideal diet for managing all aspects of health, including circulatory health. In other words, if I were following the ideal diet for managing my diabetes, I believe that my cholesterol and lipid levels would show much better numbers.

And exercise? Again, HA! Why does she think she's been writing me prescriptions for percoset? Hello? Foot pain, here!

And still...

Despite all else, I am still largely responsible for my own health. I am responsible for what I put in my mouth. And I know that I can do better on my diet and exercise, even with all these things in my life.

I also got a call from Podiatrist #1 on the results of the bone scan ($841 retail for this test, BTW). Pod says that the tests are negative. In other words, the bone itself does not show signs of inflammation. Pod concludes that I am not a good candidate for surgery. The inflammation & pain must be coming from a nerve or tendon and I should keep up with the acupuncture, if I find it helpful.

Why, yes, I do find it helpful. And yes, I will be continuing with treatment.

I'm also going to go see Podiatrist #2 tomorrow. I will continue to pursue options.

I owe Allison a picture. I don't want to send it. The weight numbers are up.

Alas. Life goes on. I have to eat another meal and make good choices.

The New(er) Car

2007-01-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

Here's our new(er) car. Dr. Parts drove it up to Rocky Butte to get a photo of me and the car. The mountain in the background, over my head, is Mount Saint Helens. Yes, that Mt. St. Helens which erupts periodically. And yes, I was here in May 1980 when it exploded and blew its top. It was a gorgeous perfect mountain, almost cone shaped, and, from where I live, it looks like someone sliced off the top of it. The photo was taken looking to the north. The car is a 2002 VW Jetta. Diesel.

Still haven't gotten the results of the bone scan. I'll go to the 2nd podiatrist in Salem, driving the red car, on Wednesday. It should be good.

Now, I have another reason to keep my job, besides the health insurance. Debt!

It's been a week of maintenance

2007-01-25T22:03:00.000-08:00

A standard appointment with my internal medicine doctor.

(I told her about the blog. I gave her the address. I felt very brave.)

I made my appointment for the yearly mammogram. And the follow-up ultrasound on Lefty, because of that lumpy area. Yes, the one that's been the same since my middle-twenties.

I got a pneumonia vaccine booster shot. Darn, that thing made my arm hurt for three days! I can see why they only have you take that every five years, to give you time to forget the pain.

I went to the dentist and got my cleaning. The hygienist, the best ever dental hygienist in my humble opinion, tells me that she recently went to a professional conference -- I thought how utterly boring I would find a conference on tooth cleaning -- where they announced that it would soon be part of the standard of care for persons with diabetes to have dental cleanings every three to four months, rather than every six. She's optimistic that this may lead to these extra cleanings being covered by our insurance. I pay out of pocket for my extra cleanings, but my mouth is much happier. And, so the health experts say, is my diabetes. Strange how these things work together, but, if letting Mindy inflict an hour of discomfort and mild pain on me every three to four months will help me stay healthier, I'm willing to do it.

The black leather uniform doesn't bother me much... But I'm not willing to call her Madame Mindy, no matter what the threats.

Also had another acupuncture treatment. Comparing the two, I think the acupuncture was more uncomfortable than the dental cleaning. And yet, my feet feel better for the rest of the week. How strange.

I'm still getting my percoset refill filled.

I'll post the numbers for my test results when I get them.

Sorrow Tree

2007-01-21T13:59:00.000-08:00

I heard this story once, not sure of the source. It's probably a very old tale.

God, listening to all of the prayers for relief, from all the people all over the world, got tired of it. God called them all together and said, "You folks. What am I to do with you? I gave you these things, and yet, every day, you pray to me to have me take these troubles, these pains, these sorrows and griefs, you want me to take them back. You say you are not strong enough to bear them." (Does this sound like Deuteronomy yet? Or is it more Minor Prophets?) "So, I have a one-time deal. You write down all these things on a piece of paper and you bring it over to that big tree tomorrow at dawn and we'll see."

So, each one wrote down all their pains, griefs, aches, annoyances, losses, unfulfilled dreams, failures, sorrows, fears, troubles and anything else they could think of. The papers were all different sizes, many different colors. Some writing was the large bold printing of a child. Some was written in the thin wavering script of an elderly woman. Some lists were long and detailed. Some were so brief, but these pages were often the ones most stained with tears.

The crowd gathered at the tree and waited for God. God appeared, as God will, silently suddenly. Someone just realized that He had been standing right there, at his elbow, all along. God walked among the crowd, whispering, "Go, place your sorrows on the tree. You may place your sorrows there and leave them. But you must take away one of the sorrows with you. This time, you choose. If you give up a sorrow, you must take another's sorrow with you by the time the sun goes down today."

Each person went up to the tree and hung a list on a branch. The tree fluttered, but none of the sorrows flew away. The people walked slowly around the tree. They considered. They read carefully. Hands reached out and touched the sorrows, but no one chose. Sometimes several people gathered around one particularly touching piece. A few times, gasps or groans were heard as the people read.

The morning wore on. The people kept walking and reading. Noon came and went. Finally the sun began to descend. The first woman reached up to the tree and chose her sorrow. Then a teenage boy snatched a paper from the tree and sauntered away. A man in a suit and tie carefully selected one, folded it and slipped it into his pocket. Soon, many papers were rustling as the people made their choices.

And what do you think they chose? No matter what awful things they had written on the lists they brought in the morning, each one took home the sorrow that they had wanted most to give up. They chose their very own sorrows.

When compared with what others go through, my sorrow looks very comfortable and familiar to me. My foot pain, it is not as bad as others. I do not mean to turn my blog into a whine-fest. Nor do I mean to diminish anyone else's suffering by bringing up my own.

I often think of the sorrow tree as people tell me their sad stories all day long, hoping that I will tell them that the rules don't apply for them, that they don't have to wait in line, that their situation is truly urgent and difficult. I gotta say, I'm well into jaded when it comes to sad stories. Inside, I empathize. Inside, I say a prayer. But my face remains set and my words are firm.

But, hey, maybe blogdom is the modern sorrow tree.

For fellow Christians, please pray for me this week. I have an opportunity to share about my sorrow and my sins in front of my church next week. This would be difficult, and yet, might prove helpful for others dealing with the same sh** that I've been through. Wisdom, strength, courage, discretion...these things I pray for. Thank for all your support and kind words, no matter what your faith or tradition. And yes, I believe that God does not really get tired of my whiney prayers. I think I wear out before He does.

The Beautiful Foot of a Diabetic

2007-01-20T22:08:00.000-08:00

Here are the feet that hurt.

Friday they got a bone scan. I don't think the faint raidoactivity is visible in this image, however.

Friday evening they got acupuncture and some incense type treatment, of which I have already forgotten the name. (Moxie? Magji? Something like that. Starts with 'm' and ends with 'ee'.)

By that time, they had taken me through the week of snow, and I figured they deserved a treat.

Saturday morning they got a pedicure and a paraffin treatment. Very nice. Thank you, Marion, for the spa treatment and for saying I have beautiful feet.

Saturday afternoon, Dr. Parts and I looked at a new car for them. Automatic transmission, just in case they get to have surgery. If one is considering foot surgery, for both feet, best not to have a vehicle requiring two good feet for safe driving.

Although I will admit, I have looked into hand controls, thanks to my friend who uses them on his vehicle every day. They're not too expensive, I must say.

When I say "new car" what I mean is "less ancient than the current car". Current car =1992 gas guzzler. New car = 2002 diesel compact. We haven't signed on the dotted line yet, still some details to be worked out, but I'm pretty excited about it.

The car deal will be delayed a day or two because of my visit to my IM doctor. I should have been testing more, to have more numbers to show her. My HbA1c will probably be up (from 5.8 and 5.9) but probably not above 6.5. Also, I have a dental cleaning early in the week.

I've gotta pay up for Allison's OCNew Me Challenge. I feel wussy when Scott has bet himself $100, and I've only bet $10. I blame my pentecostal background. My grandmother would not approve of gambling, even if it is with Allison, and with myself, and with good health as the outcome.

I've promised Allison photos. Sigh.

Since I've posted here about the weight loss, I have to confess. Since Christmas, I've done nothing but gain. Ugh. As of this morning, I was at 177. I wanted to remain at around 170 for the year, and really, LOSE down to 160 for the end of 2007. Not a good direction to start. Alas.

But I must remain in good self-talk (sorry for the psychobabble) and remember that my weight is not a good measure of my worth. And, my weight is only one measure of my health. I'd like my weight to be lower, and there are things I can do to make it lower. Regardless of what number my scale shows, I am still worthwhile. I am still lovable and capable and deserving of good health.

That being said, my feet will look really good in my new car if they're only carrying around 160 lbs of Lori. And I can get them manicured to match the paint, too!

Snow = Exercise

2007-01-16T19:01:00.000-08:00

We're having a snow day in Portland. It's actually quite beautiful, lovely powdery snow. 3-6 inches, at my guess.

Dr. Parts and I were up in the mountains, well, the coast range, the little mountains between Portland and the ocean. And I caught this photo of him exercising:

I also got this photo. This is what I usually see when we're travelling:

This is Snickers, the crazy little brown dog. She spends a lot of time on my lap when we're driving.

I've been to the acupuncturist twice now. And it's helping! It's not a miraculous 100% cure, but the foot pain is much better. Of course, he has an entirely different idea of what kind of orthotic I need in my shoe than does the podiatrist. (I think I'll stick with the podiatrist on this one for now.)

I was supposed to have the bone scan today, but I spent the time putting chains on the vehicle. I had a no-problem commute, though. I rescheduled the bone test to Friday. I'm told that our neighbor Nancy got a photo of me putting chains on the Ford. Is she thinking blackmail?

I was scheduled to drive to Salem to see a second podiatrist tomorrow. They've got black ice down Salem way. I rescheduled the appointment for two weeks out.

And, just regularly scheduled medical stuff, I have an appointment with my Internal Med doc on Monday and a dental cleaning on Tuesday. I am high maintenance, am I not?

Dr. Parts shoveled the sidewalk and the driveways for both us and for Nancy & Sue next door. More exercise.

At the moment, for Dr. Parts, snow equals snoring.

New Year, Old Pain

2007-01-04T22:25:00.000-08:00

The foot pain is back. Yuck. It's not foot pain, it's FOOT PAIN.

I think I'm a little desperate. I've seen an acupuncturist.

He's a good guy, short, round, bearded, just the way I like my men. He said something about liver, gallbladder, and dampness. I liked the Chinese semi-massage, didn't so much like the needle part of it. My legs got restless.

I feel about the same today as I did before the treatment. Footwise, that is. Standing is killer. Walking is tough. I'm thinking of asking co-workers to go and fetch my diet pop for me.

I liked the holistic approach, talking about body systems, and all those little minor complaints from various parts of my life...headaches, heartburn, diabetes, gum disease, insomnia, and FOOT PAIN.

I'm thinking about getting a scooter for zipping around the office. It works for my buddy with the spinal cord injury. (He's a C5-6 quad-who am I kidding-I get zero sympathy from him. He keeps asking how my 'sigmoids' are.)

Is it diabetic nerve pain? Is it complex regional pain syndrome? (Nah, mine is bilateral and most descriptions of CRPS do not mention bilateral symptoms.) Is the DPM going to recommend steroid injections? Is six months of pain enough to register as chronic? Should I head right up to OHSU Pain Clinic? Their intake form is 24 pages! Nice and thorough. Again, I like their holistic approach.

I go to see the DPM & the LAc next Thursday again. DPM in the morning, LAc at 5:30 pm. And then later in the month, I get to see the Internal Medicine doc on Monday and the dentist on Tuesday.

I got a spiffy new computer, so that I can blog, and I haven't blogged much. Bleah. I've taken the Diclofenac as prescribed and taken one Percoset this evening. They still ache like a [bad word here].

I am thinking of joining Allison's new challenge. I'd like to be down to 155 in 2007. I think a more realistic goal is 160. But, hey, being gentle with myself, remaining at 170 for all of 2007 would be a very successful thing to do. Very health supportive. I'm glad she's including parents of PWDs. They have their own special kind of stress.

I want to tell all of my medical professionals that I blog. What difference do I think that that might make, I wonder? Would they want me to mention their names, or prefer that I not? I wonder.

I'm watching ER, a show I have watched for a long time. (I think it's not the same since Dr. Carter left) On today's episode, they've got a diabetic (type 2) who's had an unexpected amputation on this episode. She's got osteomyelitis (bone infection) in the toes and insists no amputation. They talk her into it, and yet the surgery discovers more damage, she wakes up with a lot more amputation than she expected. Good discussion, good character. In her, they have an association of her series of losses in her life, with her current situation-the amputation, etc. (The series also has a type 1 teen who's discovered, in this episode, to have stolen from his mother's co-worker. Interesting.)

Diabetes can be a series of losses. Life can be a series of losses. How can I deal with the things that life sends my way, including diabetes, including my current state of health, including todays crisis, but not taking on any losses that may occur for tomorrow? Can I see a silver lining? There must be an up-side.

Hmmm. Either I need to blog more, pray more, or go back to talk therapy. Or maybe some combination of the above.

God bless you. I know He is blessing me. Even if my blessing comes cleverly disguised as FOOT PAIN.

Christmas Summary

2006-12-27T21:33:00.000-08:00

A lovely Christmas. We even managed to eat some vegetables.

Our holiday was kid-free, which makes for a very laid-back and relaxed time. One parent was away, the other lives far away, and my sibling was sick. No gatherings for us.

Dr. Parts got the mutual Christmas present of this beautiful television set up in our living room. It looks great, and us old folks can read much more of the words they put on the screens.

My foot pain is back, and with a vengeance. I'm entertaining the theory that it actually is nerve pain, rather than the sesamoiditis. That would make it diabetes related, even though I obviously have great circulation and no evident tissue damage. I talked with a senior person recently, though, who blames her current foot trouble on a years-ago bunionectomy gone wrong. Surgery sounds good-if it could reduce the pain-but what if it just produces more pain, or a more complicated problem?

My numbers continue good, usually under 100 in the mornings.

I'm thinking about making a plan for good exercise habits in 2007. I'm considering this whole body vibration thing, since Soloflex is a nice local company, and they have a WBV platform at a reasonable price ($395). But is it just another gimmick? Or would it really give me an opportunity to continue with some level of fitness without having to stand on my own two painful feet?

I'm still thinking about it all.

I'm thinking about dietary choices. I'm thinking about vegetarianism/veganism as a healthy basis for a diet for a type 2 diabetic. PCRM has a great series of educational classes about diabetes, diet, and treating type 2 diabetes with a very low fat vegan diet. This link will take you there. It's good stuff, and, my experience has been, when I follow this diet, either by following Dr. John McDougall's program or any other verylowfat, high fiber, lowprocessedfoods, vegan diet plan, my diabetes numbers behave most politely.

And it's not as hard or as wierd as one might think. It requires thinking creatively, especially if you're new to considering non-meat-centered meals. But our disease requires thinking creatively, and reordering our lives, and our meals. One benefit of a very low fat vegan diet, for diabetics, is that most of us can eat without portion control! Eat until you're full? When did you last hear that in a diabetes education class?

Will this be the year for us to commit to this dietary change? Or will it take something more serious for us to be truly motivated to reclaim our health through our eating?

I'm still thinking about it all.

Keep on keeping on, friends. I hope you're thinking about what you want the new year to look like in your life. Or perhaps, what you want your life to look like in the new year.

Is it time for me to take another percoset yet?

Weight Loss Summary 2006

2006-12-16T15:39:00.000-08:00

This year, I've kept a calendar up in my bathroom. Every day, I've stepped on the scale and recorded this weight on the calendar.

I started the year at 186. I'm currently at 170. I'm about 5'6".

I've gone from the category labelled 'obese' to the category labelled 'overweight.' Now, neither one of those categories is great for a diabetic, but overweight is closer to where I want to be. When I look at the numbers for 2006, it looks like I lost about 5 lbs in January, none in February, 5 lbs in March, none in April, and about 5 lbs in June.

June was when I started having foot trouble. Since then, I've been down as low as 167, but 170 seems pretty stable for me. 171 is an alarm weight. If the scale says I'm 171 or higher, it's time to cut back on the treats.

I mostly stopped eating greasy breakfast burritos five days a week. I replaced many meals with SlimFast Optima bars.

I think I earned a gold star for weight loss for 2006.

I feel a little guilty for patting myself on the back - and in public no less - but I did good!

Weight loss goals for 2007?

1) Remain at or below current weight of 170 lbs.

2) Find and build a good habit of exercise that will not injure my feet

3) Lose another 15 lbs, if possible. That would put me at 155, which is the top end of 'normal' range for my height.

4) Build muscle tone. Build muscle and lose fat.

We'll see how I do on these.

I bought a new notebook computer, which should enable me to post to my beloved diabetes blog more frequently. Perhaps this will result in more knowlege and fewer opinions. Or perhaps not. Either way, I'm feeling pretty good on this winter day.

Tragedy in Southern Oregon

2006-12-06T17:46:00.000-08:00

I'm saddened by the tragedy of the Kim family, lost in southern Oregon. Here's a link to my local tv channel, the one which we watch most often, and their story on the Kim family.

And, no this does not particularly relate to diabetes.

Last Thanksgiving season, we were visiting my mother in Brookings, which is on the southern tip of the Oregon coast, and driving to Dr. Parts' dad, in Grants Pass, which is almost directly east of there, but there is this annoying mountain range in the way. It was just the two of us, and our little dog, Snickers, who's about 25 lbs and short-coated.

Now, you must know that Dr. Parts drives a big ole' truck, a heavy-three-quarter-ton Dodge Ram, with a Cummins engine and a hemi and four-wheel drive. And Dr. Parts knows how to drive. He grew up in rural Oregon and has hunted and fished for most of his life. He used to have a CDL and used to make his living driving big-rigs. He knows how to drive.

He likes driving in the countryside (read: godforsaken wilderness with no cell-phone signals and no shopping). On this trip last fall, he wanted to find one of the less-well traveled routes over the mountains.

And he did. We were on the same route that the Kim family attempted to take this year. We were traveling in opposite directions; they were going west.

He headed up into the hills, and I started praying. Now, his truck is a high-clearance vehicle. And remember, he knows how to drive. We had filled the tank in Gold Beach. We were traveling to visit his dad, who, in his retirement, volunteers as a search-and-rescue worker for Josephine County and dad's wife, who is a no-nonsense nurse and former nursing instructor.

The day was beautiful, blue and clear. Up in the mountains, the road began to climb steeply. I kept an eye on the mileage. I cannot drive his truck, and I wanted to know, if I had to walk out (this was before the foot problems) whether I should go back or go forward. There was a dusting of snow. It was beautiful, like a Christmas card. We stopped in a grove of fir to give the dog a break. Okay, Dr. Parts peed against a tree, too.

We continued upward. The pavement ended and we were on gravel. The snow got deeper and covered the road. It was eight to twelve inches deep. The sky was now white-that is, about the same color as the snow. It was no longer picturesque to me. It's hard to describe how steep parts of that journey was, both to the left-going up- and the right-falling away- of the road. It was a little scary.

We had several changes of clothing. We had warm hats. We had emergency gear for the car. Even the dog had a coat. We had flares.

We did not have extra food. We did not have extra water. Brilliant diabetics! We rarely have lows, so it was dismissed as no big deal, but, we didn't know how long this trip would take us, or where our next fast food / roadside store / lunch opportunity would come.

We encountered one family on ATVs. They were up in full snow regalia, searching for a Christmas tree. We arrived at a Y in the road. There was a warped plywood display with a faded map stapled under plastic. Dr. Parts got out and studied it. I looked for directional signs. This way to Gold Beach. This many miles to the nearest phone. This many miles to McDonalds. There weren't any signs.

The second half of the route was harder. I really didn't like it when our vehicle was making what seemed to be the first tracks in the snow this season. Or was it this century? Hard to tell up there.

After clearing the peak, eventually the snow disappeared. At that point, on our journey, the road was one-lane only. I think they split the east-west traffic, to avoid having to pass other vehicles, so the Kims may have been on a different road. The road we were on was gravel & packed dirt. It was narrow and, in parts deeply rutted. A vehicle with less clearance might have become high centered. In several spots, large rocks (read: boulders that a human would not be able to move by himself) had fallen into the road and had not been cleared. At least we were out of the clouds and the sky was blue again.

My heart leapt when we saw the first home down in the valley below us. We hadn't fallen off the roadway. No one had been injured. We would make it back to the city and cell phone range. At last there was pavement to drive on and a beautiful section along the Rogue River.

Oregon has great beauty in it. Occasionally, it remind us, that nature is a very powerful force and humans are much less powerful when in its grip.

We finally got to Grants Pass and to our relatives' household. We explained that our route had taken us much longer than we thought (probably twice as long as the mileage on the map might have caused us to guess-you can't drive fast on a narrow, windy, gravel road with steep dropoffs in the mountains). They asked a few questions about our route.

"You went which way?" They exchanged glances. You could tell from their eyes and expressions that they were worried. Mrs. Dad blurted out, "People die up there. Every year."

Here's a map from the Oregonian, from earlier coverage of the search for the Kim family. The drive from Gold Beach to Agness is beautiful and paved. The rest of the route, from Agness to Galice, requires preparation.

Dr. Part's Dad went on to talk about their search-and-rescue team's recent training in the mountains, although it was south of the route we took, in the area where the Biscuit fire was, some years back. He talked about cars and bodies that would only be found years after they had disappeared.

I am so happy that three members of the Kim family survived. I am so happy that they were found.

I am satisfied that Mr. Kim's body was found, and found relatively quickly. He died trying to ensure that his family survived. This is one of the duties of a parent. He fulfilled it in the highest manner, in my opinion.

I wish for comfort and healing for the families and friends affected by these sad events. I hope that they remember loving words exchanged. I hope that they remember his courage and bravery in attempting the difficult feat of walking out to seek help.

They have my condolences and my prayers as they walk through their journey of grief.

It's an honor

2006-12-05T16:54:00.000-08:00

I've had a lot of thoughts about diabetes this week, but not a lot of time to be jotting them down.

The grandparents have finally gotten out of their house, with 100% of their items removed from the home. They were supposed to be out on November 20. I think the actual final 'out' date was December 3 or 4. We drove up to pick up a large tool that Grandpa wanted to give to Dr. Parts, but no, we needed to pick up some junk from the yard and drive it to the local dump. A nice little errand turned into 4 sweaty, smelly hours.

I've been nominated for an award in the Diabetes OC's 2nd Annual Diabetes OC Blog Awards. I'm nominated in the category Best Adult with Type 2 Blog. It's an honor to be nominated, with my odd, irregular little blog and my less-than-apt technical skills. Thank you for the nominations. Please vote for me. Please, please please!

Or vote for someone else. I do read all (well, most) of the other nominees in this category on as regular a basis as I do most anything. Go to the link above and, when you're ready, click on the VOTE link.

I'd love for there to be so many Type 2 diabetes blogs that such an effort as mine would not be worth the mention. As an example, I may offer my knitting blog. There are so many interesting and talented knitters that my knitting blog does not stand out. That, and the fact that my photography is awful.

But knitting blogs require photography. With knitting, one must show one's work, one's yarn, one's projects. What is there to photograph or show about my diabetes? Would you like to see a copy of my medical bills? A copy of my lab reports with HbA1c numbers? A picture of my dinner?

I was a little distressed again at the projection that, worldwide, we will be part of a diabetes community of roughly 380 million people by the year 2025. That's awful.

Diluted Eyes

2006-11-29T16:57:00.000-08:00

I get to go in tomorrow for my annual - well it's been 18 months if you must know - eye exam, with dilation.

The last several times, there has been a bit of a discussion with my insurance company, who don't seem to understand, that yes, this exam is medically necessary, and they may need to pay more than $60 for an examination. I am getting more than just an updated prescription for glasses. I am getting a medical examination to see if I need expensive treatment for a diabetes-related vision problem. They must get really enthused about these things, over at that big blue insurance company.

At my transportation related job, I often have senior ladies - it's always women who call with this question, never men- calling in to say that they need help with travel to and from their eye exam; they are getting their eyes dilated and won't be able to drive.

Are you able to drive following your eye exam?

So far, I find that I am able to drive. My far vision is just fine. It's my close vision that's shot when my eyes are dilated.

So, I can't read, but I could drive, as long as I didn't actually need to know how fast I was going or what the mileage reads.

Perhaps this will be the year for bifocals.

If I make it safely to work after the exam, I'll let you know. I usually sit in the parking lot for at least an hour. I'll bring a book on tape to entertain me.

Despised Items

2006-11-27T08:15:00.000-08:00

Things I hate:

1) I hate that Blogger Beta and the changeover it has prompted is foiling me from leaving comments on many of my favorite blogs. So I cannot congratulate my friend, who I've never met, in NY, who has just gotten a referral for a child. She now has a son, who will soon be arriving from South America. It's a beautiful thing, and my usual method for acknowledging it is stymied. Drats. I'll just have to knit a gift for them anyway.

2) I hate that someone, another blogger, is apparently stealing material from diabetes bloggers, including me. This stealing of blogged writing is a nasty habit. Written material is copywrited, ladies and gentlemen, whether a notice is posted or not. And my stuff is my own. There are enough of us that one ought to have one owns point of view, one owns opinions, not have to swipe my strange, irregular little posts. Stop it. If you regularly read blogs, keep an eye out. You have the right to expect fresh writing, not recycled (STOLEN!) stuff. I will not link to the accused; why should they benefit?

3) I hate that my insurance company pays 80% for my test strips, but only 50% for my husbands, even though they're the same dratted test strips and we've been using them for the same amount of time. Insurance Co says that these test strips are not covered at the highest level, but that my coverage is grandfathered, but his are not. This is poppycock, IMHO. Why fight with a young (less than 10 years since diagnosis) diabetic over [bad words deleted] test strips, which can only improve control and knowlege? This quickly devolves in to a grudge against my local pharmacy, which inappropriately billed husband's test strips to a worker's comp claim-totally unrelated to diabetes-for some time, leading the insurance company, perhaps, to believe that he hadn't been using these test strips for as long as he actually has.

4) I hate that so many of us who operate motor vehicles do not use our turn signals as intended. Try it!

5) I hate that I have so much judgement, resentment and anger in my soul. I'm going to go see if I can find better ways of processing it today. I seek to be filled with love, forgiveness, compassion, and hope. I may have to receive it from God, as I don't know that I can find it in myself. Thankfully, I am confident of my Source.

And I've gotta get through this [bad words deleted] holiday season.

Oregon Type 2 Diabetes in the News

2006-11-22T09:02:00.000-08:00

In today's issue of our local Portland newspaper, The Oregonian, there's an article about a new study being started about Type 2 diabetes and prevention of it, aimed at middle school students. Here's a link to the article, written by Anna Prior.

It sounds like a great study, nationwide, under NIH, and with one study area here in Oregon, centered at OHSU. They're going to follow 'intervention' schools, where education and the food served at school will change, as opposed to 'comparison' schools, which will continue with existing foods, etc. It sounds like they're going to draw blood and do weight and other measures to judge these kids' risk factors for Type 2. Results of the study won't be available until 2009.

Other statistics mentioned in the article: in Oregon, it is estimated that a person dies from diabetes (non-specified as to type) every eight and a half hours. Another way of putting that: every day, in my state alone, which is not a highly populated state in the USA, two or three people die from this disease every day. Each and every day. If one wanted to attend every funeral where diabetes contributed to or caused the death, even in my state, you couldn't keep up with them.

This disease is awful. The toll from this disease is astounding. We need to get angry about it. We need to get active about it. Of course, for those of us with the diagnosis of diabetes, we're fighting for our own lives first. It is a personal battle first, but it cannot stop there. As a nation, as a society, we must fight against this diabetes epidemic. It costs us dearly.

Special Message to Type 1s: Even when you get your cure or cures-please God may it come soon-the fight against diabetes will not be over. Please stand with us against Type 2 diabetes, as we stand with you against Type 1.

I am so pleased that they've started with this middle school study. I'm not sure that it will make much difference, but it may show that the roots of sedentary habits and obesity do start at a very young age. But, hey, if one person can delay or prevent their own diagnosis of diabetes, that will be a victory in this war.

Okay, so it's not very topical, it being the holiday and all, but there it is.

And another note: when I worked for a particular state licensing board, it was our practice to scour the Oregonian for obituaries for our licensees, so we could make a note of it, and prevent abuse, etc. When the Oregonian got their stuff on line, we started searching that site instead (much faster). So, for obituaries, we had to go to www.oregonlive.com. Oregon LIVE! Ha ha ha! That always tickled my funnybone.

More Test Strips

2006-11-21T17:05:00.000-08:00

Dr. Parts and I are out of test strips. I've gotta call in my refill tonight. This should be fun, what with the holiday coming up.

We are having dessert on Thanksgiving Day. No I'm not cooking. New Seasons is cooking for us. No, we're not having pumpkin pie. We're having apple & cranberry pie. And yes, I think they'll have used actual sugar in it. Portion control will be the key word for the day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A Mildly Inappropriate Post

2006-11-20T17:11:00.000-08:00

(I've never been well-known for my good judgement, and I'm afraid that I may be about to demonstrate why.)

I've been on this antidepressant for about two months now. You know that some antidepressants may cause the dreaded sexual side effects. Also, diabetics have some risk, simply from the disease, of reduced sexual function.

Well, if Friday night is any indication, I'm not suffering from any sexual side effects, due to my diabetes or antidepressant medication. Wowwee! Thank you, Dr. Parts!

This is likely to be the last post on this topic in this blog. I'm blushing.

New ideas about diabetes

2006-11-17T17:07:00.000-08:00

From where do you get new ideas about your diabetes and your treatment? And how do those new ideas affect your thoughts and your behavior?

I've always been a health news nut, reading every piece I can find in the papers, in magazines, online. I used to subscribe to Prevention magazine, and that was pre-diagnosis.

I have been watching Dlife, on TV, although my schedule won't allow me to view it this week, I'm sure. I like it, because it's immediate, and I have a lot of confidence in the information. In other words, I'm pretty sure I won't be told later that such-and-so an idea, as presented on Dlife, is all hooey. They research their stuff well.

I loved to hear about the possibility of cure for Type1. That's so exciting! I'd love there to be five different 'cures' for Type 1s! I'll admit to wishing that there was a Type1 Dlife show and a Type2 Dlife show. A half an hour a week is not enough. Heck, sooner or later, we'll be able to have the Diabetes Network.

Odds and Ends:

1. I talked with a Type1 today by phone. He's about 45 years post-diagnosis and broke his ankle. The physician doesn't want to operate, even though the fellow states he's in good health. (I didn't ask about his HbA1c.) Geeze, just because you're a Type 1, you might not get surgery to help your fractured ankle heal? That sounds fishy to me.

Perhaps there is more to the story. There often is.

2. Dr. Parts had a head x-ray this week, to help with his sinusitis. So I go on the web and find a site, aimed at physicians, stating that radiography is not generally helpful in diagnosis or treatment of sinusitis, that CT scan is better. So why is his doc ordering the head X-ray?

And, did it show what is actually in his head? This is the periennial wives' question. We would like to know what's in your head, and a test to actually show it to us would be great.

3. Grandparents are close to actually moving out of house and into retirement community. They have to be out of house on Monday, Nov 20. We are traveling up to help them on Sat, Nov 18 and Sun, Nov 19. Any support (prayers, good thoughts, candles, chants, etc.) will be welcome and appreciated. We will need much patience and endurance. There may also be cousin contact. Hooray!

4. My feet feel pretty good this week. I'm about 6 weeks into depression medication, and, although I can't say 'yes, I think the depression meds are working', I can say that I feel pretty good. Pretty functional. I don't feel like sinking into the couch at every opportunity. I'm keeping up with the laundry. A little less procrastination. Lest anyone be fooled: these are not Happy pills. I'm still me, dammit.

5. I did receive this piece of equipment this week:

Yes, it's a folding cane with a seat. My very first mobility aid. Aside from the orthotics, which are hidden in my shoes, that is. I got it on Ebay. I'm going to take it with me this weekend, just in case I need it. I like it a lot, although it is wooden, and probably heavier to carry than some of the other models available. It has style. I'm envisioning carrying this if I go to events like the state fair, or a conference, or a large mall or store, or even the post office where I might have to stand in line for longer than 5 minutes. I could have used it when waiting for the train on our vacation, or when the boys wanted to hit the local museums. We're very much nerdy vacationers, it's true.

I keep trying to qualify for that red hat thing, ladies, I really do. Do you think the cane will help?

Vacation update.

2006-11-14T17:17:00.000-08:00

Dr. Parts and I were on vacation last week (Nov 4-10). We rode the train south to Klamath Falls and the Running Y Ranch. Spent some time with my Mom and her husband, and with my brother and his lovely wife. What fun. Saw some beautiful scenery at the National Lava Beds Monument. It was astounding.

Dr. Parts was on a short course of steroids, for his sinus trouble, which pushed his BG up 30-50 points. Geeze, I'm nervous enough about his BG level and all those AGEs he's making, without this. Dr. M put him on this without any adjustment to his diabetes meds. Dr. Parts goes in for a head x-ray tomorrow. I hope they find some sort of solution for him. This chronic sinusitis, with neuralgia, is no picnic. Between his head and my feet, we have more narcotics in the house than ever.

We both had the flu in the last month. I was recovering during our vacation week. I forgot my "pool shoes" and so, skipped the multiple opportunities to do water aerobics in the ranch pool. (Great facilities!) My BG was up a little (20-30 points), although my appetite was zero. I missed my beautiful scale during the vacation (yes, I weigh obsessively), and was pleased to find out on my return that I lost two pounds. So, now, I face a choice: do I sabotage the weight loss by pigging out? Or do I continue on the course of good health, good nutrition, and good portion sizes? Stay tuned!

Foot pain goes up and down in intensity. I may need to shop for new (sturdy, ugly) shoes. My mom didn't say a word about her diabetes. The breakfasts were excessive, but we didn't have cookies or cakes around to tempt us.

I think my SIL doesn't care for artificially sweetened beverages. She has a point. They are not particularly healthy. But I think she and Bro brought several beverages to meet their needs also. I am very blessed in my family.

But, the grandparents, Mom's parents, are still not 100% moved out of their home and into the retirement community. Stressful? Perhaps. This weekend, Nana was hospitalized overnight with chest pain that did not resolve with nitro. No heart attack, they say. But they do seem concerned that she may have some development related to her heart. Grandpa believes he's developing pleurisy, in the form of pains across his back. But will he stop and go to the doctor? Oh, no. Too much to do, mind you.

I come from a long line of stubborn persons.

Good Tests

2006-10-28T08:30:00.000-07:00

I got an HbA1c reading done last week. The result was 5.8. Hooray!

I'm excited and encouraged by that number, but I know that it won't always be easy to get such a number. Every time it takes a lot of work and many good decisions to help my numbers come out right.

I'm still on two medications. I'm still at 170 lbs. I'd rather have lost another five or ten pounds by now, but that hasn't happened. Hey, I haven't gained either!

Dr. Parts had a horrible flu/sinus thing going on this week. He missed three days of work. His fever was up to 102. I think he may be on the verge of making some changes to his diabetes management strategies. I cannot push, though. His diabetes is his own.

I've discovered some more co-workers in my building who have diabetes. We are everywhere.

The foot pain continues, but seems much more manageable now. I'm back on Effexor for depression, but it's only been a few weeks and it's hard for me to tell if my mood has lifted or what.

I wish I didn't have such a complicated life, with regards to medical doctors and daily medications. I take 6 meds in the morning and 2 (or more) in the evening. Doesn't that seem like a lot for a woman at age 41?

At the same time, I'm glad that these medications are available and that I have these options that wouldn't have existed for me, had I been born several decades earlier.

Life is good. Life goes on. I think I'll go shopping.

Diabetes may cause nuclear war

2006-10-24T16:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not making this up.

Here's a link to the news piece on Yahoo! News Asia. In essence, Japan's ruling party's policy chief, Shoichi Nakagawa speculated that North Korea's ruler, Kim Jung Il, might make a nuclear attack on Japan due to his diabetes.

"One does not do such a thing normally. But because that country's leader has overeaten luxurious food and suffers from diabetes, he could think about it."

I knew that sometimes diabetes caused bad moods, and low blood sugars, and excessive medical bills. But nuclear war?

Does this guy owe us all an apology or what?

I'm all for peace. I hope for a peaceful resolution to the situation with North Korea. I hope for a peaceful resolution between the Type 1 and Type 2 camps, and all the other D-types.

Visualize world peace with me.

Or was that whirled peas?

Guinea Pigs, Again

2006-10-20T15:04:00.000-07:00

One of the drugs I take to help control my diabetes is Actos. Today, this study was released, and the accompanying news article had the title of "Widely Used Diabetes Drug May Not Work."

So, rule number one, when reading such an alarming headline, is to read on. Headlines may be misleading. How big was the study? What measures did they use? One must ask these questions.

So, this researcher's conclusion was that Actos did not, in his review, show that it created a positive difference in "patient-oriented outcomes like mortality, morbidity, adverse effects and health-related quality of life." In other words, they can't show, by the numbers, that taking Actos will ensure that you, the person with diabetes, will live longer.

But, my favorite part of this article was the rebuttal statement towards the bottom. You've got to read this.

" "The kernel from this review is that pioglitazone is effective in glucose-lowering, has some other beneficial and potentially harmful associated features, and just has not been evaluated in the right way to prove that it will help people lead longer and more productive lives," Dr. John Buse, director of the Diabetes Care Center at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine at Chapel Hill, said in a prepared statement. "This is true for essentially every drug available for the treatment of diabetes," noted Buse, who was not involved in the review."

Did you get that? Let me repeat it: This is true for essentially every drug available for the treatment of diabetes.

In essence, in my interpretation, Dr. Buse is saying that every drug they use to treat diabetes lowers blood sugar, and has side effects (beneficial and potential harmful associated features), and that no drug has been proven to help diabetic people live longer and more productive lives.

So, they know that this drug reduces blood sugar readings, the DCCT showed that reduced blood sugar readings are associated with better outcomes and fewer incidences of complications, and the fans of this or that drug assume that all will be well and that any side effects are just the cost one pays.

This reinforces what Dr. McDougall has said for years: Don't take any oral hypoglycemic agent, because they increase your risk of of dying sooner.

We are guinea pigs. You do know that, don't you? The medical community is trying many different treatments on us, in the hope that the outcome will be good, but they don't know for sure.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm on two oral hypoglycemic agents. And I'm not following the diet Dr. McDougall recommends.

Blech.

Well, we increased my anti-depressant medication today. Perhaps that will help.

Life continues

2006-10-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

I'm still a diabetic. I'm still here. I'm still eating. I'm still testing.

I ran into my dad the other day. His 65th birthday is tomorrow. He (and his brother) have this obsession with dying, because their male relatives have died at relatively young ages. Dad's grandfather died at 69, and his father died at 67. He's not sure he's going to make it.

Of course, I gotta tell you that I ran into him with his Beloved in one of our favorite restaurants, on their way to a dance lesson. East Coast Swing, no less. They skipped dessert (so did we). Does this sound like a diabetic who's in danger of dying this week? I don't think so. And, he has a CPAP machine.

I'm betting he lives longer than Grandpa. Or Sam.

I mostly had to post today for this link to an article entitled "Tips on How to Be a Good Patient". Very nice. I hope I remember all these tips. I have two doctors appointments this week.

I finally got to watch dLife this weekend. As it started, Dr. Parts, exhausted after 7 days straight at work, walked through the room and wondered if I had found the all-diabetes all-the-time network. (He thinks I think I work for the diabetes police.) "No, sweetie. It's one half-hour show that airs once a week."

Neglect

2006-10-10T17:02:00.000-07:00

I've had several trainings or sessions with coworkers and have been thinking about disability this week.

One national leader, talking about transportation, mentioned that a person might get a particular diagnosis, and then went on to say that it depends on how that person intends to "wear" their diagnosis. In other words, if you're a person who enjoys having services, having something that makes you special or gives you an entitlement, you may wear your diagnosis differently from someone else, who might prefer to have independence, to enjoy being the same as everyone else, to continue doing the things one did before diagnosis.

What does your diagnosis of diabetes mean to you?

Does a diagnosis alone mean that you can claim a disability? I don't think so. There is some language in the law that talks about limitations on the activities of daily living. For many diabetics, the disease does not significantly limit their ability to perform the activities of daily living. For others, the disease, or its complications, does produce limitations and changes to one's ability to do the things one once did.

I was doing some reading on the American Diabetes Association website, after the mother of a 10-year-old child, three years post IDDM diagnosis, informed me that they had certified that her child had a disability, and the ADA does use the term 'disability' with regards to minors in an educational setting, and the disability or diagnosis providing some protection against discrimination. But I don't think that the ADA has the authority to determine that a particular person has a disability. That's not the business they're in. (That being said, I recognize that a minor, in an educational setting, still needs access to the best possible diabetes care. I applaud the ADA in their role in gaining rights for persons with diabetes, including in schools.)

I want to be the healthiest diabetic that I can be, with the resources and health choices that I make today. I want to be the healthiest diabetic that I can be, on any given day, regardless of where, on the continuum of disability, I place myself. Or perhaps, regardless of the progression of my disease, and where, on the continuum of disability, it has placed me.

I want to be mentally healthy, no matter what my physical health does. I want to be physically healthy, too. I'm not giving up.

At one of the training sessions, a county worker was talking about elder abuse. She introduced the topic of neglect as abuse, certainly true, and included the idea of self-neglect as abuse. Her two examples of self-neglect were 1) a person whose living space was so messy that you only had pathways to move around from the couch to the kitchen to the bathroom and back again, or 2) a person whose home was clean, but who only had breakfast sausage and oreo cookie ice cream to eat, when they had diabetes.

She went on to say that, in most cases, adults have a certain amount of control over their own lives. Adults are, for the most part, allowed to make really bad decisions about their own lives. And she agreed that there is a balance point between imposing some order and care on a person, and allowing them to have their own independence and control and live with the results of their own (bad) decisions.

So, how true is that in my life? If I have an idea about how best to live healthfully with a diagnosis of diabetes, then it becomes an issue of how close or far I am from that ideal on any particular day. If I am very far away from the ideal diet, the ideal exercise plan, when does it become neglectful to me? When does it become self abuse? And how do I stop the abuse?

And how does it play out when there is a pair of diabetics in the home?

Just asking a lot of questions right now.

PS. Work has been very busy. I love having projects, but it may mean that I don't post as much.

Invasion of the baked goods

2006-09-29T16:01:00.000-07:00

We have been a very bad household of diabetics this past week.

Okay. I admit it. I started it. I bought the chocolate cake.

But he went to the bakery and bought the filled buns. Coconut filled buns. Cheesecake filled buns. And chocolate croissants. En francais, s'il vous plait, pain au chocolate. One for each of us.

Have I mentioned that I've been a little down this week? In mood, not in numbers. Numbers, I haven't been checking. That means my numbers have been just fine, right?

Yeah, yeah. I know better.

I let one of my meds run out, and went two days before the mail-order refill arrived. Sloppy. I'm likely to run out of glucophage and have to 'borrow' pills from Dr. Parts. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I'm slipping on control - in many areas of my life - and it's time to stop the slide. If I find more baked goods in the kitchen, I may have to call Allison and ask her to come over and do an intervention for us. If she has time.

The new meds continue good for me. The foot pain is down to a dull roar. I must still curtail my steps and standing time. I must still wear the dorky supportive shoes all the time.

I must buy additional test strips and restart my daily testing habits.

I must find a way to build exercise into my life, without injuring my feet any further.

Dr. Parts and I re-negotiated the household budget and made a plan to shift some debts around, so I'm feeling less stress in that area. And we have a weekend off. Meaning, no plans for either of us to go into the office. No need to travel to support some relative's need. I can sleep in my own bed, and, if I'm lucky, sleep in a little.

This health thing, with or without diabetes, I know that it's a daily choice, and the long-term accumulation of many small choices. I haven't been making good choices this week.

But I can make better choices now. And this evening. And tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that.....

Tootsie Roll Trap

2006-09-25T17:11:00.000-07:00

We went up and visited my maternal grandparents for the day on Saturday. I helped Nana sort through her Christmas decorations, in preparation for the move to a retirement community apartment. Dr. Parts got roped into some outdoor clean-up work by the team of cousins who were there. They have a much higher energy level than I do. I also felt like I was getting some dirty looks from them, because I wasn’t out there helping to move the woodpile. Well, they don’t know about my foot condition, and I wasn’t in any mood to explain myself. I was doing what I could do, given my physical condition, and I am not required to justify my actions to them. I did tell my grandparents, however. The feet were pretty painful this weekend.

While we were there, the kitchen sink started leaking, and Dr. Parts was able to do some simple repairs that would have been a big project to my grandfather. Dr. Parts gets a gold star for service above and beyond the call of duty. The faucet hasn’t given them any problems for years, but now, after the house has closed, and they have 60 days to live in it, now it starts leaking. Alas. The repairs kept us there for an extra two hours or so.

I’ve been thinking about being food-centric.

My grandparents have chosen their retirement community based largely on the quality and type of food offered. They're entitled to do this. When I was writing about the diabetic who just loved to cook and bake, and made a career change to become a pastry chef (!), I thought about saying that a diabetic should not make food the center, the focus, of her life.

Well, that’s silly, I thought. We diabetics have to focus on food. It’s hard for a diabetic to avoid being food-centric. What we eat is an important part of managing our disease. There must be a better way to phrase the concept that I have in mind.

Maybe what I want to say is that we should not be food worshippers. We must not be gluttons. We must not be gourmands. (A gourmand is a person who really likes good food and drink but tends to eat and drink too much.)

We can be gourmets, that is, we can appreciate excellent flavor and preparation in food and drink, but diabetics, especially type 2s, cannot eat to excess without damaging our bodies and sending our disease into overdrive. We seem to treat it as an addictive substance, a can’t-live-without-it.

Gosh, surely I can live without Tootsie Rolls. And yet, I still eat them to excess if I purchase them. How puzzling that I would do this to myself. I had a reading of 257 this week, post-Tootsie Rolls. Shame on me! And in the grand scheme of things, are Tootsie Rolls really that much a taste treat for me? They'd hardly qualify as 'gourmet'. What a thing it is to be human.

I know that one of the physicians associated with Dr. McDougall’s program speaks to this point. I want to order this DVD of his presentation on The Pleasure Trap. And a trap it is!

I am always learning and growing. I still have much to do.

Power Struggles

2006-09-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

My AM BG reading today was 95. That's down a little bit. Dr. Parts and I have been pigging out on cake & cookies in the evening. (By pigging out, I mean eating some, especially after dinner.)

I visited my physician this week. She prescribed Effexor and gave me samples to last 6 weeks. We'll re-assess my mood then. I forgot to mention the restless leg thing to her. I "forgot" to schedule my follow up appointment. I went to the lab for the blood draw. They politely explained, that, as it was a Friday, and one of the tests ordered was one that required immediate processing of the sample and no lab performed that test on the weekend, I would have to come back on a day next week. No problem, I said. I'd be happy to go away.

Ah, but will you come back, asked the wiley phlebotomist. No fool, that one.

I've been thinking about the relationships between persons with diabetes and their physicians. I'm not always sure who's in charge of that relationship, or who's in charge of the diabetes. It probably goes back and forth.

I strongly believe that a person with diabetes needs allopathic medical care as part of their regimin. (That means, in the USA, IMHO, a treating MD or DO, or maybe an ND. You know, someone who knows the western European scientific tradition and can write prescriptions for you.) I also believe that the physician needs to be your partner, and you need to be their partner, in order for the diabetes management to work in your life.

The doc can order labs and tests to help you get numbers to know more about how your body's doing. The doc can order medications to help you manage and alter your body's processes, not just with diabetes, but with all the other things that go along with living in a human body. (Yes, diabetes will not be the only thing that goes wrong with your body as the years go by. Sorry, but I believe that to be true.) The doc can also help diagnosis things, putting the symptoms together in a way that us non-trained personnel cannot do.

As an aside, I also must say that anything I say here in the blog, should not be taken as medical advice. I have attended the Johns Hopkins University. I have not attended nor graduated from the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. I am not trained or qualified to give medical advice.

The diabetic, however, is the one in charge of implementing the plan. You're the one who has to exercise. You're the one who chooses to take the meds or not take them. You're the one who chooses whether to eat broccoli or cheescake for dinner. You're the one who has to test daily to get those daily BG numbers.

The patient has to trust the doc. The patient has to be sure that the doc has her best interests in mind. You have to trust that the doc is not going to over-intervene, medically. You have to trust that the doc is going to listen.

The doc has to also trust the patient, that the patient knows whats going on in his own body. The doc has to trust that the patient, if the patient says he will take a certain course to correct a medical problem, that the patient will do it. And that if the patient fails, or the course of action fails, that the patient will report it and, together, you can make a different plan to tackle that medical problem.

Of course, that's how it would work in ideal circumstances.

I have known at least one diabetic who, whenever a physician would say to her something along the lines of "your diabetes and your health is out of control and we need to do more to bring it under control," her response would be to fire the physician. She was a mentally unhealthy person, IMHO, always with the excuses, for her eating, for her inactivity, for not testing. She went on insulin, gained a lot of weight (because the insulin allowed her to eat as much as she wished-that's my guess), was unhappy with the weight gain, and went off the insulin without telling her doctor. She refused to go to counseling, to exercise, to go to diabetes education classes.

Last I heard, she had enrolled in a training class to become a pastry chef. Yes, an obese, diabetic pastry chef, making desserts for a living. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It's close to suicidal. Hey, maybe by now, she's had gastric bypass surgery.

Sometimes, it's the doctor's job to give you bad news. Sometimes, it's her job to bring you back to reality. Sometimes, it's her job to lecture you and to stimulate you to change your habits or your diabetes management plan. Yes, even the kick-in-the-pants, figurative of course. Okay, so it's better if you learn to give yourself the lecture and the kick-in-the-pants when you need it.

So, find a physician who will be a good partner to you. But don't break up with them if they say things that make you uncomfortable. Sometimes a diabetic does have to fire a physician.

But if you have to fire several physicians in a row, all for saying the same thing to you, maybe it's time to fire the patient. Maybe it's time to listen to the things the physician is saying to you. Sometimes, when the universe is trying to talk to you, it will use many different mouths to speak the same message to you, because it is the message that you need to hear. Listen for that message.

Collection

2006-09-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

I wanted to add a few notes and things

1. I went to the dentist's office on Wednesday for my dental cleaning. It's very important for a person with diabetes to keep up on oral health. I hope you do it. I have to go more often than I would like, 3-4 times per year, but I'm much happier, and my diabetes numbers behave better when my oral health is good. That means flossing, often, and using my sonicare toothbrush, twice a day.

2. My Nana would want to tell you that going on insulin to help control your Type 2 diabetes is not an indicator of failure. Using insulin does not mean that you're a bad diabetic. It means that insulin is the best way to keep you healthy at this time. Sometimes, diabetes follows a progression, in us Type 2s, and that often will include using insulin.

Even Dr. McDougall believes that, if you need medication to help control diabetes, insulin is probably the very best medication to do that. (He's not a big fan of oral hypoglycemic agents in type 2 diabetics, other than following his diet. He's got some very big reasons for his opinions and I respect him highly. I suspect he's right, or at least, he's more right than he is wrong.)

3. Speaking of Nana, I want to meet Becky who is a CDE in the Pierce County, Washington, area. At least, I think she's a CDE-I don't really know for sure. Becky has been my grandparents' diabetes consultant for many years now. I want to meet her and give her a hug, because she recommended and wrote a prescription for therapeutic massage for my Nana. (Nana & G'pa are selling their home, liquidating a lifetime of possessions, and moving into an assisted living facility. It's a little stressful.) I think Becky is way-cool. I wish more diabetes medical professionals wrote 'scripts for therapeutic massage. I hope she also sends Grandpa for the same treatment. In fact, if Becky could just call my physician, I've got the number right here...

4. Foot pain. It continues, but is down to background noise. I'm not going to be able to run and walk and dance like I used to. But I may be able to load and unload my own dishwasher without bracing myself or finding a stool to sit on. I still have doctor's appointments related to this.

More later....

I love my grouchy podiatrist!

2006-09-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

I think my grouchy podiatrist got the medication right! I have now taken two doses of this NSAID. He prescribed Voltaren, which they filled with the generic diclofenac. He told me to stop taking the OTC naproxen sodium, which I did.

My feet feel better already. I hope this trend continues. I don't know if I'll have to take this med forever or what. I'm enjoying feeling pain-free or 'normal' for these hours. The med does not make me feel loopy or fuzzy, which the percocet definitely did. We'll see how it goes in the days and weeks ahead.

I have nothing good to say about my local Walgreens pharmacy and their process, though. They bobbled the pick-up time and then failed to communicate that to me when I came to the counter three times to pick it up.

Grouchy Podiatrist

2006-09-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

My podiatrist was grouchy today, and admitted it, brave fellow, because he was using a new piece of technology to help record the medical records. It looked like one of those StarTrek devices, about the size of a legal pad, and less than an inch thick. He wrote, and it typed, although sometimes it asked him what exactly that particular scrawl meant.

I'm encouraged, that he did not recommend surgery or casting or steroid injections, nor did he poo-poo my foot pain. He's taking me off the naproxen sodium and prescribed a non-OTC NSAID. He also wonders whether I have some other condition either contributing to the pain I'm experiencing or else reducing my ability to deal with it.

In other words, I could be developing some rheumatoid-related disorder, which could be increasing the pain. (Yuck. In my studies, those would be lupus, polymyalgia rheumatica, or rheumatoid arthritis, or something else. I wouldn't sign up for those voluntarily, you understand. ) The other factor that may be reducing my pain threshold could be either depression or insomnia. Blecch. He ordered blood tests which may show some markers to suggest sending me to a rheumatologist for a work-up.

So, we'll ask the internal medicine doctor about all that on Friday. And let her prescribe some anti-depressants and/or sleeping meds.

I don't want to get a diagnosis of depression again. I don't want to live in depression again.

But, I gotta say, it is better than scheduling bilateral foot surgeries. And recovering from them in my two-story house.

And depression and diabetes go hand-in-hand. Many of us experience depression. It's not that abnormal. And I know the signs and signals that I see when I go through that.

We're continuing the investigation. I'm hopeful that there could be some future resolution for the foot pain. Which could mean that I could resume walking and other types of exercise that I enjoy, at least on a limited basis. Cool!

Blog Therapy & Family

2006-09-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm now addicted to blogging. I love it. I can't stop doing it.

I love the chance to write. I love the chance to talk about the things that I think about all the time. I do find it therapeutic. If I had a therapist right now, many of the things that I say in the blog are things I'd be saying to the therapist. However, there would be many things I might say to the therapist that I would not say in the blog.

Part of my experience with diabetes is my relatives' experiences with diabetes. It's tough to write about them here, because 1) many of them read this, 2) they are real people with real feelings and real struggles, and 3) because I've recently realized, that I don't know them very well at all. Certainly not well enough to pass judgment on them in any particular aspect of their lives.

(Well, okay, I might be willing do claim that I know my mother well enough to do that, but would it be true? I don't think so. I generally have only positive things to say about my mom, so I'm not even sure if that applies.)

So, I wish that I were talking about made-up persons, but I'm not. I have met these people. We share genes. I do love them, even those who I don't spend a lot of time with. I don't wish to tear them down in public. I apologize in advance for any offensive thing that I might say about you, if you are one of those poor souls unlucky enough to be related to me and mentioned here. Please let me know and I will issue a more direct and personalized apology. Again, I have recently become aware of how little I really know about my extended family. Life is hard enough without someone saying stupid hurtful things about you or your life. And what do I know anyway?

Are the things I think I know about you true, or are they just the family fiction that I've been told? And how would I be able to know the difference?

I think my paternal grandfather was the first relative in my direct line to be diagnosed with diabetes that I knew of.

The next was my maternal grandmother. Nana grew up in a rural area of Wyoming, complete with blizzards and wind and all. Her mother's family had moved there, a generation before, to be part of a Christian utopian movement, associated with Jireh College. She married my grandfather in the 1930s. Nana and her husband had continued to be part of a fairly conservative, evangelical, Pentecostal Christian churches and lived simple, healthy lives. No smoking. No drinking. No gambling (no games played with standard deck of cards, even).

She was careful with her money and creative with her cooking. (I gotta mention the Mayonnaise Cupcakes, Choco-Nuggets, and Thin Pancakes. I loved them as a kid, but rarely make or eat them anymore. ) There were not a lot of extras in her household. My mom recalls that they got homemade cake on a fairly regular basis, but only got frosting on the cake if it was to celebrate a birthday.

Nana got her diagnosis shortly after my aunt Orlene died of lung cancer, which was prior to 1983. Nana has expressed that she believes that the stress of Orlene's illness and death contributed to her development of diabetes. Nana is now in her middle eighties.

She immediately joined Weight Watchers and kept herself much slimmer for the next several decades. I don't know what drugs she was on after her diagnosis. I don't know when she got her first in-home meter. She has had a diagnosis of intermittent claudication affecting her legs, and stopping her from going on daily walks at least a decade ago. She went through a period of believing that consumption of cow's milk directly contributed to heart disease, so was the first person who's fridge contained soy or rice milk that I ever saw. (Yes, that was before mine did.) She started using tofu and yogurt when I was still turning up my nose at them. (Perhaps I should post her A-Z dip, which is something she developed as an alternative to sour cream based dips.)

She has had clogged carotid arteries and has had them cleaned out, leaving nasty ropy scars on her neck. This problem probably contributed to her hearing loss. She is now seemingly in the early stages of some kind of dementia or, in the least offensive language, cognitive changes.

She has encouraged me, and I would pass this on to you, to not be afraid to go on insulin when the doctors suggest it. Her experience with using insulin for diabetes control has been a good one. The injections of insulin are not as painful as one imagines beforehand, she reports, and not nearly as painful as the fingersticks we all do. (You are testing, aren't you?)

So she has been a type 2 diabetic for over 20 years now, without any significant diabetes complications. She does not have diabetic retinopathy. She does not require dialysis. She does not have neuropathy. She does have significant circulatory issues, which may be contributing to her cognitive decline. And, diabetes probably contributes to her circulation troubles, or her heart troubles contribute to her diabetes. I'm kinda of the opinion that the heart & circulation vs. diabetes issue is sort of a chicken-or-the-egg debate. They go along.

She's had doctors retire on her. Many of her brothers have died, some of diabetes-related problems. Three of her four children have pre-deceased her. And she has still gone on. She is my example of love and service. She is my mother's example of love and service. I hope to be as good a woman as she is. And I hope that I get to reach my middle-eighties with diabetes.

Nana is not one of the relatives who reads this blog regularly. But I sincerely hope that she would not be offended by anything that I have written about her in this post.

She would probably want me to talk more about her faith in Jesus Christ, and about mine, and to urge you to find salvation as she has found it. I find her faith to be inspiring. I aspire to such faith. I also find her experience with diabetes to be inspiring. I shared it, because I hope it also inspires you.

Expand the Clubhouse

2006-09-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

I've seen several news stories recently, about type 2 diabetes, which make me wince and cringe, for a variety of reasons.

This one, about treating post-prandials highs with Precose and that treatment not preventing the progression of diabetes, makes me want to go back and study more science. I wish I understood that more. It does seem to support Dr. McDougall's contention that a few high readings after meals may not be as worrisome as the whole diabetes establishment seems to think. Or perhaps I'm reading that wrong. I understand that I don't get that article well. Consult your local medical team.

This one, about tai chi and calisthenics exercise still having benefit to diabetics, I find very encouraging. I love tai chi, and since I may be off my feet for a while, some other calisthenic type exercise may be all that is available to me. Exercise is required, ladies & gentlemen!

This one and the other one, about diabetes control & treatment for differing racial groups, elicited another well-duh! reaction from me. One of the black persons who I know with diabetes (type 2), was so sick at the time of his diagnosis, that his physicians told him, "You either have AIDS or you have diabetes." Imagine his relief at getting his diagnosis of diabetes. And it's such a simple test, to test for blood sugar levels, which should point to diabetes. Why these racial disparities exist is something others have discussed at length. That they continue to exist is part of the shame of the USA. I wish these two stories were not true, but I have no trouble believing that they are true.

This one, about preventing pre-diabetes from becoming diabetes by prescribing metformin, is more complicated for me. It makes me wonder if we need a new term for diabetes type 2. And, are we going toward a "Prescribe metformin for every pudgy person" diabetes prevention policy? I'm all for lifestyle changes to prevent diabetes. If they're on a drug for diabetes, can't we call them 'diabetics?' I don't know. Is every north American (with health insurance) going to be on ACE inhibitors and metformin to stave off high blood pressure and diabetes, just as a matter of course? This is scary to me. And, not everybody can take metformin (yucky digestive side effects-eeeww).

I'm not even going to give you the link to the stories about Korean pine-nuts and pomegranates. If you want to believe in one or two magic foods, go ahead. I believe in large categories of health-supporting foods and large categories of non-health-supporting foods. Choose what you believe to be your best nutritional and dietary approach to your life, listen (somewhat) to your tastes & preferences, check your numbers, and go from there.

But this one, about the expected 45+ million persons who will likely have diabetes in the USA by the year 2050, just makes me want to cry. (I'm assuming the majority of these new diagnoses will be for type 2 diabetes. I'm hoping by 2050, there's a cure or prevention for type 1.) How will there possibly be enough resources for all of us?

I welcome every new diabetic. Your diagnosis is an opportunity for you to change the course of your life and your health. Welcome to the diabetes club!

Embrace your diabetes. Wrestle with it. Master it. Roll with it. Let it influence and improve you.

I just wish, that there were fewer new members. It is a terrible disease, which can produce a lifetime of losses. It requires so much focus, so much management, so much change. Any secondary diagnosis or increased health risk (for instance, smoking) can make it unmanageable.

This outlook, for our numbers to grow so much, is sad. I do not wish to be so discouraged.

Big fat, little fat

2006-09-07T09:03:00.000-07:00

So far this year, I have lost weight. I have moved from a BMI of 30.4 to one of 27.1. This means that my label has changed from 'obese' to 'marginally overweight.'

So what?

I've moved from a big fat category to a little fat category. I'm still diabetic. I'm still on two oral meds to keep my numbers under control. My feet still hurt. I still have to be very careful what I eat, in order to keep both my weight and my BG numbers to behave. I'll still have to work hard at maintaining the weight lose for the next several years.

How have I done it? I think the best term for my eating habits this year is portion control, or perhaps, partial anorexia. (Can I be an anorexic at a weight exceeding 160 lbs? I don't think so.) I've substituted a meal replacement bar for the greasy breakfast burrito from the catering truck that appears at our worksite at 8:30 am each day. I try to choose a small lunch, often a salad, or broth-based soup. I try to listen to my body and stop eating when my appetite is satisfied. I often leave food on the plate. I don't have to finish it just because I served it up. I eat more often, but smaller, snack-type meals. I do not count carbs. I do not follow an exchange diet. I don't even follow the McDougall diet, which I would like to be doing. I'm sure I'm a nutritionist's nightmare.

I once read a magazine story-and I believe this to be true-that the psychological effect of excess weight is the same, whether the amount one carries is small, say 10 pounds, or large, 50-200 pounds. In other words, losing weight is just as hard, no matter what the amount of weight one has in mind to lose.

I don't think people in the big-fat categories are going to believe that. I know they're not going to believe that I understand what they're going through, especially at my current weight, or if I continue to lose weight. It is still my goal to lose another 8-18 lbs.

I don't know whether the foot pain has reduced my appetite. That could be. I do know that my foot pain is not an acceptable excuse for weight gain.

I'm all for fat acceptance. I'm all for good self image, no matter what one's size. Love your body, whatever it's size and shape. Your body supports your life. It deserves to be honored and supported for that role. I'm never going to look like Tyra Banks or Paris Hilton or any tall slim actor. (Thanks goodness I don't have to live their lives, either.) That's okay. I'm happy to look like me, with all my lumps, scars, and bulges.

However, I am not content to be complacent about weight. Excess fat is dangerous to my health. I believe it's dangerous to yours. You, especially if you have diabetes (type 2) or are at risk for diabetes, must lose weight, if you're overfat. Losing that extra fat is not optional for you. You must pursue health, with your whole heart, with both hands and feet, with your mouth and your eyes and every fiber of your being.

So what weight is OK? I don't know. I think you should work toward getting your weight to a normal or near normal level. The experts say, if you can lose about 10% of the weight you carried at your diagnosis, your blood sugar levels should improve. So, at the very least, you should weigh less than your lifetime maximum weight number.

I've heard it said, that for every extra pound of weight, the body has to grow a mile of blood vessels to support those extra cells. What a stress on your circulatory system!

I do know that if you're over 600 lbs, your life is very difficult, for many reasons. The Americans With Disabilities Act sets up 600 lbs as the weight limit which must be accommodated. In other words, if you weigh 601, you may not be able to get transportation, depending on where you live, or other accommodation, even if you claim your weight or obesity as a disability.

In reality, a weight of about 350 lbs, male or female, can put you close enough to that limit, especially if you need help to get around. If you are over 300 lbs, and need a motorized mobility device (and I won't push you at that weight in a manual chair, sweetums), the weight of the device and its machinery and batteries can quickly send you over the 600 lb mark. Please don't go there.

Lose weight. Pursue health. Acknowlege the reality of your life, both your eating and your movement habits. See what you can do to improve them. You're capable of making powerful changes, even more so than you realize.

Changing the channel

2006-09-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

My recent posts seem overly serious and somber to me. Maybe it's my foot pain. That's been rough this weekend. So, let's change the channel.

I don't like to admit how much TV I watch. So, admitting that I really like VH1's Celebrity Fit Club, that's a stretch for me. But I do like it. And I do watch it. Watching TV does not create foot pain for me.

I have to admit, it's encouraging to see real people go through this same issues that we do, when we're thinking about our weight and our health and getting fit. I like seeing what real people at different heights weigh, and how they look, and what goal weight those trainers set for their 100-day program.

I like seeing them offer the same lame excuses we use: "I have big bones." "I'm too busy." "I hate exercise." "I just had a baby." "I'm an Italian." "I had to eat M & Ms to put myself to sleep last night." "I couldn't do it, because of my heart." (when her cardiologist wants her to do all this activity.)

With Season 4, it's interesting to me to hear the stories from Tina Yothers, regarding her mother, and from Carnie Wilson, regarding herself, about the weight loss and weight gain following gastric bypass surgery. (I'm highly opinionated regarding surgery for weight loss, and I'm sure I'll offend people later by offering my thoughts on that in a post all of its own.)

I'm also a fan of several of the Season 4 contestants, specifically Nick Turturro, from NYPD Blue, which I watched obsessively, at least, once that little red-headed boy was gone, and Vincent Pastore, who played Big Pussy, in the first season(s?) of The Sopranos. (I know, I could link to all those folks and their shows. I'm too lazy today.) I find Bone Crusher appealing and amusing. I hope he finds a way to cut through all that jokester nonsense layer and get real about his health and his family. I hope he's there for wife and their five children as they grow, and to meet their children as they arrive.

Hmm. None of these fat people have diabetes, or if they do, nobody's talking about it. Does that seem odd to you?

It's encouraging to see their same reactions to the weigh-ins, including joy at a low number, and frustration at a high number. They've got the same disconnect between behavior and the weight numbers as do people in my lunchroom at work. When the trainers point out their observations of behavior, both eating and exercise, the contestants still insist that they followed the diet faithfully or that they worked as hard as they could physically. Ha! I know how much I lie to myself on that point.

It's interesting to see the different styles of encouragement offered to the contestants, and their willingness and unwillingness to accept different styles of encouragement. I know it is not my favorite thing to have teammates screaming, "COME ON!" at me if I really think that I'm doing my best. I don't respond well to public shaming, although I didn't think that there was a lot of public shaming going on there during the last episode. That was the big blow-up episode.

Geeze, it's not like the contestants didn't sign up for this. They did, they did sign up for this.

At some point, whether you're famous, infamous, semi-famous, or famous in your own mind, you have to find a place of acceptance, that this is the reality of your life, this is how fat you are today, this is your diagnosis, this is how you look, this is the size you wear, this is your prognosis if you're unwilling to make any lifestyle changes. And that this is the cost of making a lifestyle change.

I'd love to see a three or four year follow-up with these contestants, and with the contestants featured on the other big weight loss shows. I'm interested in long-term success, not just short-term weight loss. And I hope to see all of those contestants lose weight and keep it off and keep up a regular exercise program. I don't like seeing how much they're trying to sell the books of the expert panelists.

PS. I have an appointment with my podiatrist for Monday, 9/11. I'm wearing a pedometer today so I can gather information on approximately how many steps per day I'm doing. I'm hoping the podiatrist has some options, and that I'll be able to accept that this is the reality of my feet right now.

A lot of living

2006-09-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

I had to bring you this link to Gretchen Rubin's blog entitled The Happiness Project. This link is a post she wrote about tips she's gotten from reading memoirs about illness. I like Gretchen. I love her blog. I find it inspiring and interesting. (Plus, I think she's gorgeous, although I remind myself that she probably doesn't look that glamorous every minute of every day.) I think that many of her tips from that post apply to diabetes, although diabetes doesn't kill many of us as quickly as the diseases in the books she read.

Hey, does anybody know of a good memoir of living with diabetes? Either type?

I loved the third tip, which reads, in part, "A lot of living goes on in the course of dying." This is very true.

I think I learned this way back when I was in high school when my aunt Orlene, my mother's older sister, died of lung cancer. I don't know whether my mom said it to Orlene or whether Orlene said to mom, or whether my mixed up memory just attributes it to them, but one of them said that you LIVE until you die. You live with cancer for a long time before it kills you. You only actually die in that last moment when you die.

Orlene was a bright and loving woman. She did not smoke. She died around 1980 or 1981, or maybe 1982. She set aside a lovely ring to give to me at my high school graduation. I wear it on my left hand now. Orlene never had diabetes, since the cancer killed her while she was in her 40s. The death of Dana Reeve, with a similar quick fight, brought back a lot of memories about her and her illness for me this year. We miss Orlene. I wonder what marvelous things she would have done by now.

My mother's second husband also died of lung cancer. We miss Cliff.

My husband's mother died of ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) in June 2005. She was diagnosed in the spring of 2003. She had bulbar onset ALS and it affected both her speech, her swallowing, and her cognition. We got to spend a lot of time with her, as she spent her last years. And yes, there is a lot of living to do in the process of dying. Or, perhaps, in the process of living with a terminal illness. We both got to be there as she breathed her last. We miss Karen.

And even if you're a health perfectionist, a marathoner who eats a raw organic vegan diet, everyone who is born and lives will die. Even if you took perfect care of your diabetes, you will not avoid death. I hope to avoid pain. I hope to avoid disability. I hope to extend useful, joyful life, for myself, and for others, right up until the moment that I die, no matter what the cause.

So, whether your diagnosis is diabetes or something more horrible, I urge you to do all the living you can, right up until you die. That's a lot of living. Don't miss a minute of it.

Dr. Parts Rocks!

2006-09-01T08:52:00.000-07:00

Dr. Parts, my sweet and talented husband, replaced the starter in my vehicle last night. I am free again! It only took him about an hour, I think, unless the clock played tricks on me.

He came in with grease splattered all over his face. He looked dangerous and wicked and sexy.

He requested some public praise, here on the blog. Here it is. He's the best, the very best.

I'd offer to loan him out, but I don't think I could bear to part with him.

Exercise Helps

2006-09-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

I found this news story today, with the headline "Exercise cuts diabetes risk in people with big waists."

I'm having another well-duh moment. Please excuse me, it will pass.

The big news in this story is that they found reduced risk regardless of the BMI. So, even for persons whose BMI may not indicate a risk, if the waist size is big, they should exercise, and that exercise will help reduce their risk of developing diabetes. For this study, exercise meant five 30-minute periods of exercise per week.

Will this be the study that gets you off the couch? Will this be the one that convinces the next door neighbor to build exercise into her life?

If you're already a diabetic, or if you're at risk of becoming a diabetic, you must exercise. I know I sound like an overzealous P.E. teacher, but you must still exercise. Exercise is like magic for the body. It does such good work, even down at the cellular level.

You must exercise, even if it's uncomfortable.

You must exercise, even if it's inconvenient.

You must exercise, even if you don't like how you look in the exercise gear.

You must exercise, even if you think everybody's looking at you funny when you exercise.

We, meaning persons with diabetes, and people at risk of diabetes, must reconnect with our bodies. We must find a way to love the bodies that support our lives and find ways to make those bodies more healthy than they were before.

We modern folk often use so many labor saving devices that we don't even know what kind of physical work our bodies are capable of. Get out, walk a mile. See for yourself how short a mile is. Most healthy adults, even without training, can walk a mile in 20 minutes.

You can do more exercise than you think you are capable of. You can find great satisfaction in athletic accomplishments.

I have to give a nod to a few people here, one is Ellie Hodder. I participated in her Women Walk the Marathon training clinics for two years in the middle 90s. I'd love for you to go to that website and see all the photos of fat women sucessfully FINISHING the marathon and other ultra-long walk events. Ellie's phrase of "I am an athlete!" still rings in my ears.

I gotta say, barring injury, walking a marathon is not hard. It requires training, which means that you plan the time to train in the months leading up to your event. You walk 4 miles at a time, then 6 miles, then 8 miles, then 10 miles. This is not hard, but it does require determination and stick-to-it-iveness. It requires commitment. You have to do the training, and you have to keep going when you'd rather sit down and have a mocha frappuccino. It requires time. It does not require being a gifted athlete who might qualify for the Olympics. (You learned to walk when you were how old, remember?)

I had planned to walk on a walk relay team for the Portland To Coast relay this year, but my foot injury (sesamoiditis) caused me to withdraw. My team still finished. Twelve amazing interesting women, with widely varying athletic capacities. Some did 12 minute miles, some did 20 minute miles. They came back with blisters and minor injuries (jammed toes) and a lot of soreness, but they are so jazzed to do this again next year. I cannot believe it, and I am so proud of them. Each walker walked about 10 miles, in two different legs of the race. I'm so jealous that they can do this, and that they DID do this. They gave me a team photo, which is up on my desk right now.

This team has several XL t-shirts and even one or two 2x t-shirts. And these were not the largest women who I saw on the course this year. Do not let your size right now stop you from increasing your exercise. You're living in YOUR body. Don't let what other people think, or the bodies other people have, stop you from working to improve your body and your health. Your diabetes numbers will likely improve very quickly if you can exercise, even 30 minutes, even only five days a week.

I'm struggling with switching from walking as my exercise. This is a tough transition for me. But I'm committed to seeking physical health, including regular exercise, as part of my life. I'll let you know how it goes.

I'd like a double-foot transplant, or even a transplant of my four broken sesamoid bones, but I don't think that's in the near future of medicine.

I have to get creative and find solutions that will work for me, with the body that I have now.

So do you!

Headlight analogy

2006-08-31T09:10:00.000-07:00

I had to post to let you all know that I'm no longer impersonating an Australian. Which is to say, I have shaved my legs and my armpits. I know you all were extremely interested in that. And I have shifted my accent back to plain ole' USA.

My AM BG reading was 116.

Mom and her husband were here. They brought us a pizza for dinner. We had some cookies after dinner, but not excessive amounts. I think it's the extra fat in the pizza. It was thin crust.

Mom drove me to work, which gave me a few extra hours of sleep. I have a great mom.

Over the weekend-yes it was a church-I heard a speaker who used headlights as an analogy. Here goes: My headlights are great. They're well aimed, bright, and really useful to me as I drive along. I love them.

Your headlights are awful. They're glaring, and they blind me. Geeze, you're driving right at me with those headlights set on high-beams. What's wrong with you?

I think that this applies to diabetes control. I think my diabetes control is fine, but I see lots of problems with yours.

Since I'm in a double-diabetes household, and part of a diabetic clan, there is often discussion of the other's diabetes. I've even got co-workers with whom I discuss diabetes. I think that I'm pretty healthy, and try to remember that my diabetes is mine, and their diabetes is not mine, but it's hard to avoid that temptation to fix a problem that you might see in someone else's life or their diabetes management.

I've had it.

2006-08-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

Enough with this bearing up under pressure gracefully. Phooey on that.

Work has been short staffed. Others have flex schedules, which means that I feel like I have to be there on certain days, to ensure that the phones are covered. I have about six weeks of sick leave on the books. I haven't taken any days off this summer to rest and recharge myself.

My feet hurt. The car issues mean that I am walking more than I perhaps should. I'm going to have to call the doctor to see if she'll renew my stronger than OTC pain pill prescription. I don't like that 'if'.

It's hard to keep up with my banking, when I cannot drive from bank #1 to bank #2 to move the money from this account to that account. Paydays seem very far off.

The car trouble means that Dr. Parts, graciously, drives me to work and then heads out to his work. This means 12 hour days for me at work. I keep a pillow and blanket at my workstation, but we don't have a dedicated nap area in this building. I'm looking for one.

I haven't gone grocery shopping in days. I'm out of razors, so my legs and armpits are hairy. I'm pretending I'm from Australia. I don't keep cow's milk in the house, since I believe it is an ideal food only for calves, but my mom & her husband will want to eat it. I think the rest of the menu will consist of olives, pickled green beans and rice. I hope we have coffee in the house, since he's a coffee drinker, too.

I want to take a mental health day, a day to rest and recharge, to de-stress, so I have enough energy to face the rest of the week. But it's hard to schedule. And no, I don't think that Labor Day is going to be enough for me. We've got interviews, since, thankfully, they are trying to hire somebody to help with the general coverage, and everybody has to be there for the interview panel. We have had Chatty Charles as a temp, but his assignment ends on Friday. Bleecchh.

My blood sugars are up slightly. AM BG was 102. I'd love to go see my doctors again, about the diabetes or my feet, or my dentist about my teeth, but I'm not ready to do what I'll have to do to ride the bus to get there.

And again, as I posted earlier, I know that this is all just a normal crisis. These things will pass. It's like being on the ocean in a boat. Sometimes you're at the top of a swell, sometimes you're down in the valley between swells.

And again, we're not injured. We're not in the hospital. We are okay.

But I don't like it. I am uncomfortable. I'm stressed and I have no more give in me.

I need a nap. Or perhaps antidepressants.

A Normal Crisis

2006-08-28T14:02:00.000-07:00

Dr. Parts and I just got through a normal crisis week.

Which is to say, a semi-relative needed us to rescue an impounded RV, Dr. Parts replaced an alternator in his vehicle, and my starter has been unreliable. Dr. Part's electrical system is still not working properly. He believes that the alternator that he installed is faulty. The good news? It comes with a lifetime warranty. (That should cover four days.) My starter has finally decided that it will start no more.

I keep reminding myself that these are normal, solvable crises. I'm annoyed that they're happening, and annoyed that they require money that I'd rather spend on yarn or earrings or the electric bill. Mechanical things break. They require maintenance. It's rarely at a convenient time.

But we're not injured. We're not in the hospital. We haven't suffered anything permanent. Our blood sugars have been about the same.

We are, I think, falling into the 'because I deserve it' trap, of eating for emotional comfort and stress relief. We've hit a couple of drive-thrus (Taco Bell, Wendy's) , had a few treats (Baskin Robbins), and I've consumed more alcohol than I normally do in any given week. It's not really safe for us to do this, due to the diabetes. And yet, we do.

Dr. Parts thinks he'll be able to do the repairs, which is miraculous in my non-mechanically-gifted world, so we'll end up paying for parts. He'll end up with some dirty cuts and scrapes on his hands, and probably say some words out loud that his wife doesn't care to hear.

This is what I would term a normal crisis. We own cars. Cars break down. Whaddya expect?

Illness is often a normal crisis. Humans get ill. I'm related to a lot of humans. I live in a human body. I'm going to experience illness and injury.

Death is even a normal crisis. Humans die. I'm probably going to attend a lot of memorial services throughout my lifetime.

It's normal to go through these cycles of events and the emotions associated with them. Stress and frustration. Joy and accomplishment. Fear and anxiety. Sorrow and loss.

My maternal grandparents, both of whom have diabetes now, are selling their home and possessions and moving into a retirement community, which has yet to be selected. They are also dealing with all the emotions of loss. Loss of possessions, loss of independence, loss of control, loss of physical ability, loss of space, loss of possibilities.

And yet, this is a normal transition of life. It happens to a lot of us, no matter how uncomfortable.

Another normal crisis.